So I went and got my lower back dolphin worked on today. OMG!! Did I forget HOW much it hurt at first.... got a little one that says, "my gma luvs my tats" on my bumm! It didn't hurt and is too funny!!! The lower back one is a work in progress and I will need one more sitting, I used to be much tougher, but I did do good and was in the chair for about an hour and a half.... could have gone another half hour on shading, but no, not today! It is different.... I am gonna put something cool above it and tie it in.... Hint, Hint, Christmas.... lol
So for as good as it is and yes, getting the tattoo made me happy, I feel so bleck in a way..... can't sleep, have fibro, just been feeling these moodfluxes and think I need to up my effexor,,, I know some, well, a lot of it is going of the fentanyl patch..... It keeps coming and I just cry... it sucks..... and flaring up and pain don't help at all either.... what is wrong with me?!? I also hate being "single". I hate going to bed in an empty bed, I hate that I'm divorced, I hate that I have been left over and over and over and feel this way!!! Yay for blogging.... 8P 2moro I am gonna take an emotional day..... I really feel crummy.... I'd like to put down words of encouragement, but my words even fail me tonight.... alone... another night.... by myself to battle my nightmares alone...feeling alone.... I know that I know that I know that God is right here with me, but I also know depression and how it creeps up and grabs me!!!
(that is how i felt at like 2 am, maybe I shouldn't be online at that time, no wait, I should BE SLEEPING!!!) Sleep is sooo critical for fibro, and I am noticing how it plays on my emotions as well, the more tired, the more emotional....
I am now finishing this blog, is the next day... and I got another tat... a star... blue, for my cowboys... lol! Me and my oldest got matching stars today.... It was definitely a memory we will both NEVER forget... lol.... I once read/heard about the verse where God says our names are inscribed on His palm. Tattoos are not painless and they are indelible (meaning forever marked).
So today I slept a lot. Although I still feel stressed and down and such, and still gonna talk to my doctor when I go, I feel like the wheels are slowing their spin... It really goes to show, don't make decisions when your tired or sick, and more importantly; THE NEED FOR SLEEP... not just to restore our physical health, but for our emotional health as well. Guess that's why they say to not make a "rash decision", to sleep on it, get some rest and put it aside. And for us Christians, we don't have to JUST "set it aside", we can give it to Jesus. And pray for His peace, not ours, not the worlds, BUT HIS PEACE!!
Gonna go to bed early tonight, no caffeine cuz its already almost 6pm (no caffeine after 4pm) and gonna spend the evening with my girls and enjoying the time I have with them... It is cold and gray outside, blah, kinda like I feel, still too tired.... but I am feeling better and I will be ok! :) Really Really need to get back into a good sleep pattern! As tired as I feel right now, I don't think it will be a problem. The only problem would be me procrastinating or getting sucked into tv or internet or.... till next time ~B