Saturday, May 19, 2012

Fibro's Grip

Having fibro is not fun.... It plain outright SUCKS!!! I am one of those that tries to be politically correct, I think it's cuz we don't want others to see our pain either, feel like it's never ending and sometimes I feel like I just whine and complain, hard not to focus on it when the pain is so consuming!! So honestly, my first thought,, having fibro sucks!! BAD!!!! I am currently in a group about grieving and loss with a slant geared toward depression. I went to my first group and TISSUE PLEASE!!! I cried and cried and ohhh, it was VERY emotional, yet I feel I need to grieve the loss of who I was and working on acceptance of where I am and that fibro is not going anywhere, can be managed, but it will never go fully away! ARG!! I want want want to be well.... If I could will it away I would, and I've gone through that, and the fibro and it's pain is still here, in my body.... It sounds dramatic, but if you've ever seen or watched the X-men movies, when Wolverine gets injected with titanium and when he goes to extend his new claws, he can feel the excruciating pain as the titanium comes out of his skin.... My pain is the titanium and it is gut wrenching at times as the fibro's grip on my body, inside, from the top of my head to the tip of my toes... AND IT SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!!! Then there's the stigma that my house being more messy makes me lazy, or me sleeping in and needing a day of rest. People that have never dealt with or even had some type of chronic illness don't seem to understand. What comes so easy to the "regular world" is really hard for me! For anyone suffering and/or in pain, life is not the same. The world looks different, and it is different! I am tired and frustrated and tired of being sick and not feeling good. Tired of the pain. Tired of hurting! I know we all go through worse times than others, and right now, it has been an emotionally hard time facing the loss of who I was, the fact of who I am, and then where I'm at cuz of the fibro and my crummy health. I just started a group to help with the loss and it is hard, but I have to face it and deal with it so I can come to some sort of peace with it. One day at a time is all I can say lately....

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Slow road to recovery

‎2012, a new year, another year, and one that I hope brings more healing,not just physically, but also emotionally as well.... I had a surgery go TERRIBLY wrong, internal bleeding led to infected hematoma.... several surgeries, a pic line of heavy duty iv anti-biotics, and weeks turned into months later, I have slowly been trying to reach my pre-surgery self... It was about 4 years ago in February that I got my pic line out, my doc said a normal person it would take a couple years to bounce back after all my body had been through, but with having fibro, it would take 4-5 years.... that was back in 08, now, is 2012, 4 years later, and the house is better, JUST FINISHED my kitchen, the kids and I are good and emotionally connected and have wonderful relationships with friends an family... the little things like finishing my kitchen, laundry, Walmart shopping, may seem small to "healthy" people, but when a person has fibro or any other chronic pain ailment, it is an "accomplishment" to do what most people take forgranted.... I am hoping this year is better and look forward to warm weather around the corner!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

20 things not to say to an ill person

#1 – You look so good today! 
#2 – You just need to get out of the house more
#3 – If you stop thinking about it, the pain will go away 
#4 – You should just pray harder 
#5 – You must not want to get better if you won’t try this 
#6 – When I was your age I didn’t have the luxury of being sick
#7 – You’re sick again??
#8 – I wish I could just sit around all day
#9 – No pain, no gain!
#10 – I’d be sick too if I saw doctors as much as you do 
#11 – I have this juice that is working wonders…
#12 – You must still have sin in your life
#13 – If you got a job you’d have something else to think about – see more 
#14 – Your illness is caused by stress 
#15 – You can’t be in that much pain. Maybe you just want attention
#16 – What have you done to make God so mad at you?
#17 – There are easier ways to get attention
#18 – It’s not good for your kids to always hear you whining – see mo
#19 – When are you going to get rid of that cane?
#20 – I’m so glad to see you out and about feeling all better
*The original url for it is: 

Friday, January 27, 2012

pain poem (from 9/10/2010)

I found this old poem in an old journal the other day.... It describes how it feels when my fibro flares and seem to take over me.... engulfed by pain, the fibro tries to claim ALL OF ME....

All of me
filled with piercing pain
the ever constant pounding
from my always predictable "friend"

Chronic Pain
friend or foe
always and forever there

The sky seems dark
my Spirit bleak
I feel trapped
between two worlds

One, a world of isolation
of hurt, agony, and pain
A pain that will never leave me
always and forever there

The other world
I tip toe on the fringes of
never quite belonging
from the outside looking in

I will never be alone
for each road I travel
my constant companion is always with me
My "friend", my "enemy", my "companion"

Apart..... separate... an outcast
'til death do us part
me and my pain
will remain as one

But when my sweet forever comes
and Jesus takes me home
Then I will be
Forever.... truly free! <3

spring is right around the corner

I can't wait for spring, It has been so hard this winter.... I knew I had bursitis in my hips, but I had forgotten how bad the shots hurt and how long it took to get well also.... I have to do baby stretches as the muscles that are bothering me, are too short, hence, the bursa... but I also know, I am feeling better in other ways and know that even though it will take time, I just have to ride it out... winter's been hard, but spring is right around the corner, and the days are getting longer, and I will get better!! NEVER GIVE UP!!

To my support group on facebook: I just wanted to pop in and say hi and hope everyone is having a pain managed day.... Spring is just around the corner, it's been hard on a lot of us lately, and I want you to know, I am so blessed with this group and pray for you guys.... Knowing I'm not alone is so helpful.... The holidays are over, and we can take a deep breath! Can't wait for spring, but know that even though I may "feel" this way today, I know it won't be like this forever.... hang in there everyone!! ♥

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

10 Things to STOP Doing to Yourself With Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

*This is not my article, copied to share along with other fibro warriors!!  from the url:
When you have a chronic illness like fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, you've got enough working against you - you don't need to make things worse for yourself!
It's hard not to, because by society's definition, something (other than illness) is "wrong" with anyone who isn't go, go, go, full speed ahead, all the time. We're expected to work long hours at stressful jobs, be amazing parents, have a perfectly clean house and keep up with the Joneses. If you can't, you must be horribly flawed!
Getting out of that mindset is difficult, but it's something that can really benefit us and help us improve. It takes work, though.
The first step is recognizing the things you do in pursuit of this idealized picture of who you're "supposed" to be. Here are 10 damaging things to watch out for:
  1. Overdoing it. Pacing is essential for us - we'll only get worse if we do more than our bodies can handle.
  2. Criticizing yourself. You know better than anyone else that you really are sick, so give yourself a break already! When you catch yourself, try replacing the critical message with something like, "I'm doing the best I can and that's all I can do." (It sounds corny, but it works.)
  3. Blaming yourself. It's not like you asked for a chronic, debilitating illness to come along and knock you right out of your life. No matter what some people may say, your illness is not your fault!
  4. Believing other peoples' negative opinions. It's always going to hurt when someone says you're "lazy" or "crazy" or "worthless," but you can't afford to believe them. Someone who keeps going, the best they can, through adversity is stronger and more capable than most. That's what you need to remember.
  5. Having unrealistic positive expectations. We tend to put all of our hope and faith in whatever treatment we're trying, and all that does is set us up for a major disappointment when we're not suddenly cured. Approach treatments with the attitude that any improvement is a success, and remember that we generally need to use multiple treatments to truly make progress.
  6. Having unrealistic negative expectations. On the flip side of the coin, trying treatment after treatment without success can make you feel like nothing's going to help at all, ever. That can prevent you from trying new treatments that might work, and it can also cause a reverse-placebo effect - it won't work because you expect it not to.
  7. Putting yourself last. A lot of us are willing to put all our energy into the people around us, our jobs, our responsibilities ... only to have nothing left for ourselves. It doesn't work. If you don't take care of yourself first, you'll have less and less to give until there's nothing left - because you'll keep getting sicker. Taking care of yourself is survival, not selfishness.
  8. Giving up too soon. When you try a new treatment or lifestyle change, it can take time for the effect to be felt. If you give up too soon, you can really miss out on long-term benefits. Give your body time to adjust to the change.
  9. Letting stress overwhelm your life. Our lives are full of stressors, and being sick only adds to them. The problem is, stress just makes our symptoms worse. Find ways to reduce or manage your stress so it doesn't keep driving you into the ground.
  10. Asking why. We all want to know why we're sick. Is it genetics? Your diet? Vaccines? Pesticides? Infection? Some sort of punishment? Why did it strike you and not the millions of other people like you? This line of questioning can lead to a downward spiral of self-blame, guilt feelings and increased stress. Instead of "why," we need to ask, "what's going on in my body?" That's the question that can uncover the causes ofsymptom clusters and lead to treatments.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

i hate the cold!

I hate hate hate the cold!!!! It makes my fibro flare and my headaches act up! It sucks and I am looking forward to warmer days!!! these cold days make my body hurt! :(