Sunday, April 24, 2011

Easter Sunday

Today is Easter and me and the girls went to church, and it was GOOD! Jesus is Risen, He conquered death, and we have eternal life! I was glad we went.... We used to be regular church attendars, but when my health fell and we left the church we'd been at like 5-6 years, well, we didn't re-pick it up. My youngest wanted to go SSOOOO BAD, "Thank you Lord for using her to bring me and her older sister and even her friend to church, to You!"

Happy Easter!! I pray that this is one habit that we do make as a norm. It was a nice, mellow church with all ages! The pastor was a good speaker and kept my attention and I really enjoyed to reading on 2Corin.15 where Paul speaks about death and the rapture and Jesus conquering death! He brought it alive and fresh and even my girls weren't "bored", considering it is church. They both loved it and I really enjoyed it! It felt good to be there... to hear songs, fellowship.... I hope and pray that we make this a part of our lives more often!

People who go to church are healthier, have a lower blood pressure, and live longer than those who don't. I believe in God's healing, but I am not going to church for the reason. Then it is about me. I need to go to hear the Lord. He is the reason. He doesn't "owe" me anything, and if I expect healing alone, it is about what God does for me, not who He is! Going is about learing more and more Who He is, so that I can be more and more like Him! God can and does still heal, and of course it is something to pray about. We should come to God with all prayers about all things. He just doesn't always answer like we think or on our time. We will all be healed, but not necessarily on this side. When I cross over, to go to Jesus, when it's my time (or the rapture), I will be given a glorified body. That is a day to celebrate! Death and the end is sad, but we have hope that death IS NOT THE END FOR BELIEVERS, but the beginning of our eternity where nothing bad can ever touch us again!!

"Oh death, where is your sting?" Thank you Jesus that you have replaced death's sting with eternal life through You!! May those that are unsaved find you. I pray that you will prepare hearts and knock on doors and that the unsaved and the lost will hear and answer!! And answer Yes, see their need for you, their own lostness, their own efforts that are insufficient, lacking, and needing YOU Lord!! Thank you for saving me and my family and for never letting us go and never giving up on us! You hold us and hold me no matter where I am or who I'm with or what I'm doing. You are faithful, true, and unwavering in Your love! Thank you for choosing me, not on my own merit, but because of Who You are! May I be "sparkling glitter" for You Heavenly Father, my Lord Jesus Christ, my Savior, my ALL!!

ps. I know my dear friend Kenny is with You now, and everytime he comes to my mind, I am thankful that he is with You and I will see him again someday. I look forward to that! On this side we still miss those who have went on ahead to be with Jesus, but thank You Lord that we have can mourn with confidence that this is not the end and that all things are possible through Christ Jesus our Lord.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Achey days, upset stomach, and a touch of housework

So today is another day... it's been so cold and so windy... i have been tired, achey, bored, crakety..... Watchin an old scary movie-Gothika.... creepy!! (THAT WAS LAST NITE)

It's now the next nite.... Been one of those acheyish days and my tummy... AHH!!! I WANT 2 eat soooo BAD, but I just can't. At least I'm not throwing up. At my last doc appt. we discussed my naseau and stomach issues, probably IBS, which sucks and is EMBARASSING!! I wish I could say I have I have been online and have some answers, but I don't. I do have my 'little blue pills' and am keeping small amounts of food down!! It is enuf and is letting me acutally feel like I have a life! Like I am alive! It is better! Next time I go in, I think I will get an ulrasound ordered to see what's going on in there more. 'Cus I don't want to just get by, I want to live!! Live more fully! Despite the pain, that I can manage, but when all you can do or feel like your gonna throw-up, that is not living! And if I asked my family, they would tell you I am doing a lot better (40-50% better). Gotta look at the little achievements... one step at a time.

Last week was spring break and this week was only 4 days and we've made some big achievements on the house. We are not just working on it, but kicking butt on it!! It is AMAZING!! Chronic Pain and House Work... IT IS THAT BAD!! and it is something I will and want to touch in more depth soon! But for now, let me just say a couple words... (yes this is a couple FOR ME)... We have accomplished alot in the house and I am glad for that and it really does feel good. For the pain that comes with pushing yourself at times, it is worth it. It's not just me, but the family, just looks around and LOVES how things are coming together! And last thing about this FOR NOW, It really is a HUGE accomplishment when you have fibro or chocnic pain to clean up and organize anything, let alone a room! For someone who has perfect health, they can go in and "knock-it-out" in a day and cook dinner after. Yes, they may be tired, but it is still in their realm of realities to prepare dinner for themselves and their family. It took 3 days per room (and we had to stretch that out over 2 weeks). I do love how much my family appreciates all I do and what it costs me. It is worth it just to see the girls smile!! :)

God Bless ~TFA

Thursday, April 21, 2011

choices (and 420)

Today was 4/20. To some, that's just another day, to others it's a special date on the calendar to celebrate marijuana. In 15 states it is legal for "medical purposes". Laws to legalize it are pending in 12 other states. If at least 10 of those states pass laws allowing it, that would be have the of United States of America! After that, who knows.... I know there are certain countries that are more lenient that America, but at the same time, we are more lax than other countries as well. I am thankful to live in a country where people can celebrate or not celebrate 420. I read somewhere recently about our freedoms and people dying for them. We may not agree with everyone about certain issues/rights, but I am glad we are able to have the right to our own opinions! Not only have the right to our opinions, but also the freedom to speak out for (or against it)! It's OUR CHOICE!

As I was thinking about being greatful for rights and choices and freedoms that we have being a citizen of the USA, I also thought of God and the choices and freedoms He gives us. That is what gives our love meaning! The choice is ours, we have the freedom to say yes or no (to God). It also gives His love more meaning. He gave us the choice and He gave us a Savior!! With giving us a choice, He choose to carry the cross. He knew what choice we would make, and He still choose His choice even though we are undeserving! How could we not love God! Look what He did for us!! Yet some choose not to love God. God chose me though and I am so glad He did! No, glad doesn't cut it. Merry, exhilarated, overjoyed, blessed beyond measure.... those are a tad better...

So I started with 420 and then ended up talking about Jesus. What?!? I will go on the record to say that I think medical marijuana is a good thing. I do not necessarily agree with everything about the laws, but I do know that the herbal plant called "Mary Jane, reefer, and ganga" just to name a few, has many exemplary qualities that make it a perfect medication for certain patients. I believe that God created it and that we should be using it more that we do. When grown 1 plant is equal to several trees when it comes to the oxygen/carbon dioxide factor. Also, hemp is MUCH more durable and Way more wearable than cotton! As for the medical part of it, I have seen loved ones sick and pass away from cancer and have personally dealt with such stomach issues that all I could do was throw up. I took all the prescribed medications for my stomach, and it helped calm it down, but I still couldn't eat. It felt like my in my throat my "mouth to stomach" flip was flipped upside down!?! I would wwant to eat, but couldn't! With a hit or two of medical marijuana, I was able to start eating and keeping things down. I am finally feeling better stomach wise after being sick for months! I would throw up so many days of the week, I felt like I was 'pregnant'! I was THAT sick! (I had a partial hyst. in 2007,so there is NO WAY!! No uterus left, but I do have my eggs. The surgery itself went VERY badly and I had MANY complications! That's putting it BEYOND MILDLY!! I will tell more of this another day tho....)

So, back to the green and medicine....Many narcotics have HORRID side effects, way worse than marijuana. People have died from prescription drug overdoses, but no one has ever died from smoking too much weed! It helps a variety of diseases and is all natural. I think 'pill poppers' (the kind of people that ABUSE pills) are WAY WAY worse to be around than a 'pot head'. Alcohol has side effects that scare me and I WILL NOT be around it. Pot heads are mellow. Imagine 2 differt bars... a "smoking bar" and an "alcohol bar".... you bump into sumone at each place... where there is alcohol served, you might get punched. At the bar the serves reefer, "it's all good man" in a slow drawl..... no big deal, and not retained in the memory. In the alcoholics mind, they may see the accidental bump as an on purpose check or something like that.... you never know!! I won't be around people drinking, for this reason and more (to tell later).

As for marijuana and other drugs, I hold "if it aint green, it aint clean" deep in my heart and head!! And while I believe it is ok in moderation for medical use, I also believe it is for adults over 18 only and people need to be very careful in how they take care of their medicine when they do have it. Be careful when and where you do it and please, dont smoke and drive!! Studies have shown that your brain is much slower to automatic and said commands in your brain! Narcotics for pain relief can also be dangerous when driving. The higher the pain level, the more medication; the more medication, the more dangerous it is to drive. Before you go out, Ask yourself, is "whatever it is you need" THAT important that you HAVE to get it NOW? Usually it can wait, and if it ABSOLUTELY CANT wait, please, ask for a ride. Your family and friends WANT to be there for you when your hurting.... they WANT to HELP you! When Im having a flare-up and having "one of those days" and my med usage is higher than a "normal day", I will ask for help. I don't say, Well, I feel I took too many pills, cause that's not ALL it is, but I tell them the truth... I hurt and want to wear my jammies/comfies all day and not leave my house! I sleep alot when I'm in a flare-up also. My family has been happy to help when they can! Reaching out is hard to do... wanna be self-sufficiant, not weak! but it has been the best thing as well.... those who love you, want what's best for you and that's them helping, we just gotta ask.... Now we're on a "bunny train".... Easter is only a few days away.....

Well, I've talked about marijuana, God, choices, narcotics, driving under the influence.... and I have said where I stand on these sensitive issues.... Everyone in entitled to their opinion, that's why we vote! It's also what gives us the right to speak out. Even if you disagree with someone, is it fair that only you can say why you feel its wrong and they can't say why they feel it is right? I may disagree with a person on the trivial and inconsequential things, but I love when two people can disagree with fairness, tact, and grace.

No matter what the situation, No matter who your in the situation with, and no matter why your in the situation-"'THE GOLDEN RULE': TREAT OTHERS HOW YOU WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED." If we all would stop for a moment when we are bickering with someone we love and realize how we SHOULD be treating them. Because if you say mean and hurtful things IN ANGER, when your NOT MAD, those words are stuck! Hurtful words HURT people! Something to think about and put in action!! ~God Bless

Monday, April 18, 2011

can't sleep

Insomnia and fibro go hand in hand.... Add a dash of stress and a pinch of anxiety and a whole lotta life sucks sometimes, and u've created "the perfect storm". The movie didn't end well for the guys on the boat, but I have a stong anchor in Jesus! Gotta get some sleep! Good night and God Bless!

GOD HAS MY STEPS ALL LINED OUT FOR ME!! LORD, PLEASE HOLD MY HAND TIGHT SO I DON'T SLIP AND FALL!! SOMETIMES THE STEPS SEEM SLICK!!

~"A man's heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps." - Proverbs 16:9

**My PRAYER:
Help me to give it all to You Lord... I can't carry it on my own! My burdens are heavy and Your yoke is light! Even though I can't see in front of me, I pray Lord that you will continue to hold me close and that I will feel Your presence at all times. Even in the dark may You make me feel safe. I also pray that going though harder times than usual that I will grow in my trust for You! Make me a better person, make me like clay... You are the Master, my Father, my Creator, and I am honored to be Your's! Thank you for saving me out of the miry pit and puting me back on solid ground! You have never and will never give up on me and my family, thank You Lord for being YOU!! All I need, my heart's desire, my Savior, my future, the great I AM!! And You call me Your's... Your beloved, Your child, Your's!

About Me

(This was originally posted on facebook for a "description" and I found I was typing and typing and typing..... no writer's block 2nite!!)

I am a long time sufferer of fibromyalgia. It is a terrible disease! It isn't just physically debilitating though, having fibro (or any other kind of chronic pain) is also emotionaly and spiritually draining and debilitating. You can feel bleak, hopeless, alone...But we are never alone! God is just a "prayer-call" away! Living with pain day in and day out has changed my life, my whole world forever! Having fibromyalgia is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure in my whole life! It is even harder than parenthood! With being a parent there is a joy that comes back to you.

I am not just a "fibromyalgia SURVIVOR", I am also a Christian. The reason I am a 'survivor' is because of my SAVIOR! I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ! He (and my girls) are the reason I get up in the morning! Some days I can barely move, much less get out of bed, but I do make it, even if it's just to brush my teeth and hair due to the, unfortunately, all too familiar fibro "flare-up". God's got me in His hand and He has given me a wonderful family in my corner!

It has taken me a long time to be where I am with my disease and with God. I fought God, tried in vain to fight the disease (instead of relaxing into God's arms) rebelled against God, was angry and bitter at God for allowing me to get sick, for not making me well, for having to live with fibro! God never gave up on me and today I have His joy and His peace.... through knowing who He is and prayer.... Only with God can I make it through.... WITH GOD I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH ANYTHING, WITHOUT HIM, I HAVE NOTHING! It is only his peace and joy that have truely healed me. Let's face it, being in pain is no fun. It's hard to be happy when your body is waging war and you feel the fibro is winning. Some days the pain is so bad you just want to curl up and cry. Your told to "move around, it will make you feel better". But every step, every movement, every joint says otherwise! Fibro has declared war on my body and it is a fight every single day!

I got the idea for this page and for the email under the same name @yahoo when I was at my last doctor appt. I was getting shots in my "tender points" and while she is doing this, we are visiting about fibro and the pain associated with it. I was sharing with her some of the difficulties I have and how hard it really is! I opened up to her (while getting a shot in a very distinguishable knot in my neck) how there are people out there who don't believe in fibro, even some of my own family! What little $ I get from the government for disability isn't worth what I live with! Going out and getting a job would be fun and I'd make more money, see people, get involved more, be more productive.... like I said earlier, it is a terrible disease that is GREATLY misunderstood! My doctor told me I would be a good advocate for fibromyalgia. I have been wanting to "reach out" so to speak, and it seemed very "fitting".

This is a place to let your voice be heard, to be understood, to be encouraged..... Chronic pain makes us feel alone, but remember, you are never alone! God is always with you, EVEN when it doesn't feel like it. He has placed others in your life to help you along the way, to share the journey with, to reach out.... I hope that you will allow me to be a part of your journey and ask that you be a part of mine as well. Together, we CAN be stronger! Together, we CAN make a differance! Together, we CAN make it through!

In the end, may we be stronger people from what we go through. May we allow it to forge us into better people. To be made more empathetic, more caring, and softer. Only when we allow God INTO our pain, can we begin to heal! I don't know all the "why's" there are to suffering and God allowing it... but I do know WHO God is and what He does ON THE INSIDE!! He (and my children) are the reason I am who I am and do what I do.... even if it is to just get up in the morning and brush my teeth and hair because of the pain and feeling sick or being tired and weak from my 'never going anywhere' fibro and it's awful flare-ups! That's the worst days. There are good days as well, and I treasure them as do my family!

Would love to have you as a part of this community! Take care and God bless!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

chronic is chronic is neverending

I have had chronic pain for 10 years now.... It started off small, ache here, pain there.... did all the MRI's, X-rays, blood tests, you name it, ive taken it! The answer I got took a few years, and I was told I have "fibromyalgia"! What?!? Is there a cure?!? Will I get better?!? I am told and read it is a non-progressive disease (meaning it won't get worse), but it sure seems that way! Once my pain peaked, it is only managable! Maybe it's because I've been sick for so long that it seems worse, but i don't know! PAIN is PAIN is PAIN!! I am tired of being sick! I couldn't even get out of bed some days if it weren't for God and my two wonderful daughters!! Chronic pain is just that... CHRONIC!! NEVER ENDING!! But so is joy! Not happiness, but joy, God's peace, God's precence! I want to feel better so bad still, and it FEElS hopeless at times, but I know it's not and I will be ok! Take care and God bless!! :)

Sunday, April 10, 2011

pains daily grip

Pain... pain... pain.... it doesn't go away. Sure, there is relief, but it only dulls the ever familiar aches and pains all over! Chronic pain is unrelenting. It does not let go! It grips you and holds you close.... It is very isolating as well. Some days, I feel ssoooooo alone, but God is there, even if silent, I know He is there and things WILL BE ok. Things may not all come together in one day, one week, or even on month. I am never alone! Not only do I have God holding me closer than my pain and fibro tries, but I have also been blessed with a wonderful family who supports me more than they realize! One foot in front of the other, one step at time, and hold tight, cus it's gonna be a bumpy ride! God's got you baby! He saved me and continues to everyday!

Saturday, April 9, 2011

my 1st post

This is my first post as "the fibromyalgia advocate". I thought of this title when I was at my latest doctor appt. I told her about reaching out on facebook, and she said I would be a great fibro advocate.... I took that as a compliment and mulled things over in my head and prayed and thought of an outlet for pain..... and the name was available... so here I am!! :)

I had a doctor's appt last wed. and I got tender/trigger point injections. They were NOT fun!! My doctor felt so bad when she had to inject the needle with the numbing and healing liquid inside of it (steroids and numbing medicine). Surprisingly as the needles penetrated my skin, and the healing, yet painful fluids slowing crept into my soarest places of my body, it didn't hurt that bad. I mentioned that to my Dr. and she said it's because my body is in pain all the time, and the shots were "just added pain" to me (paraphrased).

This is just one little part of the life of a person with fibro.... alone, isolated, grieving, in pain. I could go on and on, but I choose to be the victor and conquer! With God, all things are possible, even making it through with the constant nagging pain of fibro!

I plan to write more about fibro and have my voice heard. There are many misunderstanding about fibromyalgia and chronic pain, and as one who lives with both every day of my life, I want to share it with others. As I tell my story, I hope and pray that others out there will see they are never alone and there is hope, just not always the way we planned it!

Take care and God Bless