Saturday, May 19, 2012

Fibro's Grip

Having fibro is not fun.... It plain outright SUCKS!!! I am one of those that tries to be politically correct, I think it's cuz we don't want others to see our pain either, feel like it's never ending and sometimes I feel like I just whine and complain, hard not to focus on it when the pain is so consuming!! So honestly, my first thought,, having fibro sucks!! BAD!!!! I am currently in a group about grieving and loss with a slant geared toward depression. I went to my first group and TISSUE PLEASE!!! I cried and cried and ohhh, it was VERY emotional, yet I feel I need to grieve the loss of who I was and working on acceptance of where I am and that fibro is not going anywhere, can be managed, but it will never go fully away! ARG!! I want want want to be well.... If I could will it away I would, and I've gone through that, and the fibro and it's pain is still here, in my body.... It sounds dramatic, but if you've ever seen or watched the X-men movies, when Wolverine gets injected with titanium and when he goes to extend his new claws, he can feel the excruciating pain as the titanium comes out of his skin.... My pain is the titanium and it is gut wrenching at times as the fibro's grip on my body, inside, from the top of my head to the tip of my toes... AND IT SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!!! Then there's the stigma that my house being more messy makes me lazy, or me sleeping in and needing a day of rest. People that have never dealt with or even had some type of chronic illness don't seem to understand. What comes so easy to the "regular world" is really hard for me! For anyone suffering and/or in pain, life is not the same. The world looks different, and it is different! I am tired and frustrated and tired of being sick and not feeling good. Tired of the pain. Tired of hurting! I know we all go through worse times than others, and right now, it has been an emotionally hard time facing the loss of who I was, the fact of who I am, and then where I'm at cuz of the fibro and my crummy health. I just started a group to help with the loss and it is hard, but I have to face it and deal with it so I can come to some sort of peace with it. One day at a time is all I can say lately....

1 comment:

  1. Hope you are ok. Why not add the fibro bloggers badge on your site so we can add you at the Directory? We would love you to join us.