Monday, September 19, 2011

Monday sux

Well, it's Monday and it feels like a Monday! My feelings are hurt and I am still getting over my cold and it makes my fibro hurt.... I know I can be cranky at times, but where is the understanding for how I'm feeling, my pain, sometimes I just feel alone and it sux.... I know that I will be ok and this too shall pass, and so will the cold (how many zinc later?!?)  It is amazing how pain can distort how I/people see things! I don't know what part is my pain, and if I should even really be upset? I just don't do well when people pull away.... I do that, I know I need to and have been working on it, but if you know my insecurities and how I struggle, do you really care? Do you even know whats going on in my head, my heart, my life, with me?!? I should be catching up on housework and laundry, but whenever I try to do stuff, my head starts to feel such pressure, my muscles ache, I'm achy and tired and feel miserable RIGHT NOW! I am very thankful for my online fibro support.... it means SSOOO much to me, others just like me, giving and receiving support, through prayers, notes, pics and such.... it has blessed me immensely! I am in a new group on fb called the silver lining of fibromyalgia and not only is it a place to vent and share, it is also a place to try and find some positive, and with pain, it can feel like there is only negative and takes work to see the positive... this site continually reminds me to try and see the positive and I have been trying to..... but it's hard when I feel like an I, not a we, with those in my life that I thought should care...... One step in front of the other, one day at a time, and even one moment by moment at a time if that's what the day calls for! I am so grateful for the support system I have and I probably need to just be honest about how I'm feeling.... in doing so, it may not go the way I hope, but at least I will know that I spoke from my heart and share my feelings with an attitude of listening and not just through my own lense of hurt.... I've said it once, and I know it's true, it is SO HARD to let people in, the pain I feel, it is mine to bear, but deep down, I don't wanna be alone, but letting people in and they just hurt me.... that sux too!!! Ultimately I hope and pray that the people in my life will show me understanding, acceptance and show me that you care!!! You might feel it, but if you don't tell me or show me, how can I know? Communication, like it isn't hard enough without fibro and the pain that comes with it!!!  Praying that God will show me what direction He wants me to go and that He will put people in my life that will love and care about me, especially with my fibro, cuz the Lord knows I need it!!!

Please, if you have someone in your life that is flaring up or hurting worse than normal and they snap at you, please, remember where they are coming from, most likely from pain and it's GRAY and miserable view that follows it..... it's not personal and deep down, when we are hurting THAT much, we need people in our lives to understand more than ever!!! Need to know your in our corner so to speak!!! Grace, forgiveness and understanding just a few things necessary for dealing with and living with chronic pain and it's ripples that affect life in all ways!!! I hate fibro and wish it would go away, but it won't and acceptance and a wonderful support system is the key!!! Take a moment and let someone you know that's struggling, sick, and/or in pain, that you care about them and make sure their ok!!! sometimes that kind word means more than you'll know!!!

Pain and being sick is very lonely.... thank you for my wonderful family and friends that are in my corner.... I couldn't make it like I do without all of you!!! Hoping my evening goes better than last.... till then, gonna pop some more zinc and vitamins and rest as much as possible.... also, in prayer for God to touch my heart and give me His peace though this and to feel Him in my life more than ever so I don't feel so alone! God is good and His promises are true....(not always on my time)..... Know that no matter what, even if people disappoint me, God never will! To Him be all the glory forever and ever, Amen!!

No comments:

Post a Comment