Wednesday, August 17, 2011

heartbreak and free will

They say love worth the risk, but is it worth the heartbreak? I call upon the Lord for an answer and I don't know what direction He has? I thought I had, the the floor gave way from under me and I fell hard! And even now, I feel the breaks from the fall, I can feel the pain creeping in like on a cold, gray, misty morning. Heartbreak was my worst enemy, yet it grabs me and keeps my close like a best friend.

The Lord says He has plans for me, yet there is free will as well. What direction does He want me to go? What are His plans for me? Where do I go from here? What am I supposed to do? Pray, and sit quietly and listen.... easier said than done! I am terrified! Scared to death!! My heart can't getting broke again! Am I looking for an out? Can I just curl up in bed and stay there forever? I am so afraid of making the wrong decision. I think I have it right, and bamm! Life hits! Life hurts! And then I am back to heartbreak.... left alone with just my hurts and regrets.... regrets that I ever let them in to hurt me, regrets that I got God's will wrong, regrets that I should have done this or done that... regrets.... and then I give those to God... Only He can truely heal.... They say time heals all wounds, but without God I'd be bitter, only He has made me better...

With all my heart I believe I was put on this earth to be a mom and "break the cycle". Life is hard... not what I thought it'd be when I was little....but God chose me for this and I am thankful as well....

It's not just me to consider... The girls as well.....

Its me, I am scared to death! I am terrified!! I don't want to take the easy way out... I want to follow what God has for me, but I don't know know what or who He has for my life....

I know I have free choice and God has a plan for me... Is His plan based on my choices or are my choices supposes to be based on God's plan. But how do I know His plan for me.... I cry out to the Lord only to be met with silence.... I need a touch from God and show me what and/or who You have in store for me. My heart can't handled being broke again.... I have nothing to offer but me... and my babies come with me of course.... I know that I want to follow the Lord, but right now things are a little muddled and I need an answer... Gonna pray, pray, pray, pray.... and listen, listen, listen.....

Lord, help me first and for most to love You... may the decisions you put before me come from that... I know you only want what best for me... plans to prosper and not harm me... You love me with an Agape' love... In my best interest.... and now Lord, please show me what is in my best interest....Guide me and show me what is best for me... help me to make the right decisions for not just me, but for my girls as well..... in Jesus name, Amen


Aug.18 Thank You Lord for answering my prayer and giving me your peace! Gotta get some sleep, more later =D

Aug. 19 Thank you Lord for answering my prayer.... may you continue to guide me in all my ways and direct my paths, but also help me to just live one day at a time.... to learn to trust You, not just in the big things, but also the little things as well.... I pray that You continue to guide me and thank You for giving me Your peace and guiding me where You have... Please hold and keep me and my family close and safe.... and may we become more like You.... In Jesus name, Amen

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