Well, I sit here, in the quiet, a few hours before mother's day. Tomorrow is the day where we will celebrate motherhood. I used to have a lot of mixed emotions and feeling about this holiday, it is much less now though. My girls are out shopping at this moment, and I am just watching a little basketball... Mother's day is not what is pressing me though right now. Right now, my stomach is upset. UPSET! Like it is EVERYDAY now. It's getting old! I am sooooo hungry, yet the thought of food makes my gag reflex flip a little! My tummy NEEDS food, yet I'm starving because food and my tummy are NOT friends right now! It's hard to see much else when all you feel is "crappy, crappy, crappy"!!
I had to do something about my tummy so yesterday, Friday, I had an ultrasound on my stomach area. It included not just my gall bladder, but also my liver, right kidney, pancreas, spleen, etc... My Dr. ordered 'the works'! I have lost 14 lbs. the last few months WITHOUT trying. And I am not THAT active... I sleep a lot!! I just can't eat! And when I do, I throw up a lot! I can feel how weak I am, tired, cranky, sick, IT SUCKS 2 b sick!!!! I have been having "tummy troubles" for a while now, but lately, it is becoming unbearable!! I want to be well! I want to feel better!! I want to have a Frape' from hot java or mcd's!!
Last year I can remember my tummy being sensitive and had bad days, but now, Im lucky to have good "moments"! It has gotten and is that bad! If I didn't have a good doc and weren't testing already, I would go to the ER when Im at my worst and have things looked out asap! I will know monday. Everyone is thinking gallbladder. The ultrasound will check for stones and such, but if it is "just not working correctly" that doesn't show. Something with the bile and fluids it releases, it supposed to release, and just plain doesn't! That would be another test- "hide a scan" in neuclear medicine.... I really hope this test shows something. And as much as I don't want surgery, I do hope it is my gall bladder and just get that sucker out!!
I'm not sitting here as a cheerleader going "Woo Hoo!! Take my gall bladder out! I luv surgery! L U V!!". No, I hate surgery, but I hate the idea of being sick like this more! So many little things I use to take for granted I now long for.... Please, just a nibble of that "triple fudge chocolate brownie with ice-cream"? NO! NO! NO! That's what my body tells me! I am WAY BEYOND arguing though! It seems that the more I argue and eat any yummy foods, the more my tummy rebels and 'blech'... it aint' gonna happen!! NO! NO! NO! That's what my life is with food right now.
I am on a forced diet, not a diet by choice, that's for sure!! But on a diet none the less.... DIEt.... that's how I feel...It is killing me that I can't have even a small, tiny bite of chocolate or spicy foods or rich foods or ANY foods. Dry cereals, some yogurts, bland crackers,those are the foods I get to eat. that's only when my tummy says yes that I can even have those, and then you never know if the tummy is lying to you, playing a cruel joke, a trick, a ruse, cause the next thing I know, the little bits of food that I got down come back up!! (I forgot applesauce, no juices or pop though-water only, easier to throw up anyway-all sarcasm intended). It has gotten to the point that I am ready to have surgery if that is what it is and what is needed. I never thought I'd say this, but I do pray that the ultra-sound is positive and I can have the gallbladder removed and finally start getting well.
I should know Monday, and will definately update my family and friends... crazy that some are all the way around the world in another country! I have met some neat "friends" on facebook and fellow chronic pain sufferers and have really been encouraged by many of the people I've met online. I hope that I encourage others as well. "Pay it forward". That is my specific prayer tonight... Lord, I pray that You will use me as Your vessell and that through me, You can encourage.... Fill me with Your words and give me Your peace, especially when Im feeling sick and need Your comfort the most, In Jesus, Amen Peace and God Bless