Wednesday, December 21, 2011
i hate the cold!
I hate hate hate the cold!!!! It makes my fibro flare and my headaches act up! It sucks and I am looking forward to warmer days!!! these cold days make my body hurt! :(
Friday, December 16, 2011
holidays and living with fibro
So my main doc is leaving on maternity leave... I was pretty scared at first, but saw her for the last time and we put everything in my notes, I am seeing a neurologist monthly now-human pin cushion, but it's working, slowly but surely, and even if I don't ever "completely recover", I will be able to get to MY best!! I am making peace with my health and keeping stresses at bay (as much as anyone can) and even doing some therapy for personal issues.... Oh, and in the town I live, they are going to be offering a 6 week class on living with chronic illnesses in January or February, put my name and # on that list, I would LOVE to take some classes learning to live with and deal with my fibro/health specifically! So very hopeful on that end.... I am having a pretty good fibro day, and gonna finish my Christmas shopping today, got my cards done last night, first time since 2006, and it feels really good!!! My babies are growing up and I am so proud of them, and I got some picture packages and mailed the pics with the cards, family will enjoy that!! The one thing though, I am exhausted.... I could sleep for a few day, thank goodness for coffee and the weekend!!! Can't believe it's almost Christmas, and I can't believe how ready I actually am... the rest the house, laundry, dishes, piles of this and that, well, that's why I have the two most wonderful girls, to help with cleaning!!! I know they love it, all sarcasm intended!!! Gotta get ready for the day, thanks for reading and wishing you the best health possible!!!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
for family and friends of those with fibromyalgia
Because fibromyalgia is a chronic condition, people often forget or tend to forget, ignore, or gloss over the fact that the afflicted are indeed ill. Sometimes a little extra support and understanding is in order, and it doesn't take much to show a friend with fibro that you care, you are thinking of them, and you are taking their syndrome into consideration.
Here is a list of things you can do to show your friend with fibromyalgia, or any chronically ill friend, that you care:
Ask her to explain to you what it is like to have her condition. What is most frustrating? How does she deal with the bad days? How has it changed her outlook on life and day-to-day activities? Listen to the answers and try to understand her point of view. Ask for clarification.
If you know she is flaring or depressed, or just because, send her a get-wll card of gift. It doesn't have to be anything big, just something to show that you are thinking of her and wish her well. However, don't put stress on the "get well" part because she won't. Instead stress the "feel better" aspect of the message.
She may be unwilling to ask for help, but chances are she would appreciate it. Avoid asking what you can do and instead think of something you know would help her out and ask if it's ok for you to do it.
Recognize that chronic pain and fatigue can make anyone irritable at times, and if she seems irritable, it's nothing personal.
Be flexible when making plans and don't make her feel guilty if she cannot do something or must reschedule a date due to her condition.
If you visit, be an easygoing guest. Don't expect to be entertained and be prepared to do things for her if wanted. If you expect too much, this will only give her unneeded stress. Your company in just sitting quietly and reading a book is appreciated.
Ask if you can run an errand for her before visiting.
Don't assume she can't do something without asking first.
Keep her diability in mind when making plans and make sure that venues or situations you choose will be accessible and friendly to her condition.
Drop prepared food or homemade food in Tupperware containers at her house. But make sure you know what she can and cannot eat beforehand since people with fibro often have strict diets.
Invite her to a spontaneous event. Although it may seem like she can't go anywhere without a lot of planning, if you catch her on a good day she will know right away if she can go.
Let her know that she can talk to you and you will listen. And actually listen, and just listen. Chronically ill people often have a lot they want to get off their chest but they feel they will burden others with their concerns and frustrations.
Be a shoulder for her to cry on and no matter how trivial something may see to you, it is a big deal for her.
Do some research of your own into her condition to better understand her symptoms and treatments. If you find anything that may help her let her know in an no-pressure way.
Be her advocate. If you are at an event and there is an issue because of her disability, speak up!
Don't mineralize or trivialize her symptoms, and don't pretend or think that you know or understand exactly what she is going through.
Remember the carers. These are people who may devote a lot of time or energy caring for a loved one with a chronic illness. These people could use a little extra emotional support too, even if it's just asking "how are you?" or offering to take over their care duties for a couple hours.
POSTED BY LAURA LAVOIE WESTOVER (I did not write this, it was on facebook, but it is a GREAT little article to share with those close to you)
Here is a list of things you can do to show your friend with fibromyalgia, or any chronically ill friend, that you care:
Ask her to explain to you what it is like to have her condition. What is most frustrating? How does she deal with the bad days? How has it changed her outlook on life and day-to-day activities? Listen to the answers and try to understand her point of view. Ask for clarification.
If you know she is flaring or depressed, or just because, send her a get-wll card of gift. It doesn't have to be anything big, just something to show that you are thinking of her and wish her well. However, don't put stress on the "get well" part because she won't. Instead stress the "feel better" aspect of the message.
She may be unwilling to ask for help, but chances are she would appreciate it. Avoid asking what you can do and instead think of something you know would help her out and ask if it's ok for you to do it.
Recognize that chronic pain and fatigue can make anyone irritable at times, and if she seems irritable, it's nothing personal.
Be flexible when making plans and don't make her feel guilty if she cannot do something or must reschedule a date due to her condition.
If you visit, be an easygoing guest. Don't expect to be entertained and be prepared to do things for her if wanted. If you expect too much, this will only give her unneeded stress. Your company in just sitting quietly and reading a book is appreciated.
Ask if you can run an errand for her before visiting.
Don't assume she can't do something without asking first.
Keep her diability in mind when making plans and make sure that venues or situations you choose will be accessible and friendly to her condition.
Drop prepared food or homemade food in Tupperware containers at her house. But make sure you know what she can and cannot eat beforehand since people with fibro often have strict diets.
Invite her to a spontaneous event. Although it may seem like she can't go anywhere without a lot of planning, if you catch her on a good day she will know right away if she can go.
Let her know that she can talk to you and you will listen. And actually listen, and just listen. Chronically ill people often have a lot they want to get off their chest but they feel they will burden others with their concerns and frustrations.
Be a shoulder for her to cry on and no matter how trivial something may see to you, it is a big deal for her.
Do some research of your own into her condition to better understand her symptoms and treatments. If you find anything that may help her let her know in an no-pressure way.
Be her advocate. If you are at an event and there is an issue because of her disability, speak up!
Don't mineralize or trivialize her symptoms, and don't pretend or think that you know or understand exactly what she is going through.
Remember the carers. These are people who may devote a lot of time or energy caring for a loved one with a chronic illness. These people could use a little extra emotional support too, even if it's just asking "how are you?" or offering to take over their care duties for a couple hours.
POSTED BY LAURA LAVOIE WESTOVER (I did not write this, it was on facebook, but it is a GREAT little article to share with those close to you)
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
neck needs healed
I finally got into a specialist for my neck..... last Thursday, he was awesome, and kind, and knew what he was talking about it and really listened to me and seemed to genuinely care.... it has been years and I would like relief on this left neck shoulder area, it is very difficult and keeps me from way too much!!!! anyway, my doctor said for me to stay off the computer more cuz of the way you have to turn, keep you head, and how it pulls on my neck..... I am focusing on doing my exercises daily, keeping well, and getting better..... but it also means less computer and facebook and.... thank goodness for good old fashioned books, lol! Will be on when I tho and will continue to post, just might not be daily..... Til next time!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
suffering
Been reading a book called, "How to be sick" and it has been really good so far.... I have just started it and it talks about suffering.... and I love words and meanings and this really resonated and stuck out to me and I wanted to share it......
"There are two kinds of suffering, One is when we feel we're being pressed down; as though suffering is coming at us from without, as though we're receiving something that's making us suffer. The other kind of suffering is being under, just bearing it, JUST BEING IT." ~Joko Beck
Fibromyalgia is the latter form of suffering, one that becomes a part of us, we are it... and it sucks sometimes more than others. Support is huge and I am thankful for the one that I have and all the wonderful people God has brought in my life....
"There are two kinds of suffering, One is when we feel we're being pressed down; as though suffering is coming at us from without, as though we're receiving something that's making us suffer. The other kind of suffering is being under, just bearing it, JUST BEING IT." ~Joko Beck
Fibromyalgia is the latter form of suffering, one that becomes a part of us, we are it... and it sucks sometimes more than others. Support is huge and I am thankful for the one that I have and all the wonderful people God has brought in my life....
Sunday, November 6, 2011
past present future and somewhere inbetween
I have often wondered if there was a link between childhood abuse and fibromyalgia or other type chronic pain conditions.... I don't think we'll ever fully know if there is a link, but the one thing I do know is that by having a childhood filled with abuse and dysfunction, it is harder and harder when dealing with life as an adult.
I have hit the "wonderful" age of 35 and hitting on 36 soon.... heading straight to 40, noooo!!!!!! And as I get older and my kids get older, by brain can go... and my heart, as a mom, and a person, feels so much! I love being a mom and love having children.... But along with having the good and wonderful and even awe-inspiring at times, it can be so hard with my past and at times it rears it's ugly head...... Having chronic pain doesn't help, it's another weight that can weigh me down, heavy and suffocating and leaving me feeling alone...
Another of the many other thoughts that bounce through my head, it is their age, that I was their age when I endured the worst of my mother's rage and wrath? I spent the first half going through abuse and the second half burying my past, locking it up and throwing away the key, and THEN doing it ALL different!! And that is A choice... I love my kids and I CHOOSE to do different by them! Never in a million years could I do to them what was done to me! NEVER!!! (And this has taken therapy, I truly believe that to overcome such violent and traumatic pasts that it does take help and trained professionals are so helpful!! )
So I will continue to persevere, go forward, and get the help I need to be able to have a peace with the past.... maybe I will write a book, my daughters tell me I should, but they also say it would make them cry. I try not too make others cry from my memories, I try not to cry with them.... Life today is hard enough with just being a single mom.... and having fibro, now I get to deal with the past, woot-woot!! But it will be ok, the present is, the past is gone and the future, God holds it. I may not know or see what is in store for me and my life.... I see the gray and blahs and other times the brightness that comes from my kids and my family and friends... those that I really love and those that love me... I am so thankful for the family I have today and know that not only have I made their lives different by being such an integral part of it, but they have change mine forever as well!!! Thank You Lord for all You have blessed me with, everyday, even when I have a hard time seeing it.....
I have hit the "wonderful" age of 35 and hitting on 36 soon.... heading straight to 40, noooo!!!!!! And as I get older and my kids get older, by brain can go... and my heart, as a mom, and a person, feels so much! I love being a mom and love having children.... But along with having the good and wonderful and even awe-inspiring at times, it can be so hard with my past and at times it rears it's ugly head...... Having chronic pain doesn't help, it's another weight that can weigh me down, heavy and suffocating and leaving me feeling alone...
Another of the many other thoughts that bounce through my head, it is their age, that I was their age when I endured the worst of my mother's rage and wrath? I spent the first half going through abuse and the second half burying my past, locking it up and throwing away the key, and THEN doing it ALL different!! And that is A choice... I love my kids and I CHOOSE to do different by them! Never in a million years could I do to them what was done to me! NEVER!!! (And this has taken therapy, I truly believe that to overcome such violent and traumatic pasts that it does take help and trained professionals are so helpful!! )
So I will continue to persevere, go forward, and get the help I need to be able to have a peace with the past.... maybe I will write a book, my daughters tell me I should, but they also say it would make them cry. I try not too make others cry from my memories, I try not to cry with them.... Life today is hard enough with just being a single mom.... and having fibro, now I get to deal with the past, woot-woot!! But it will be ok, the present is, the past is gone and the future, God holds it. I may not know or see what is in store for me and my life.... I see the gray and blahs and other times the brightness that comes from my kids and my family and friends... those that I really love and those that love me... I am so thankful for the family I have today and know that not only have I made their lives different by being such an integral part of it, but they have change mine forever as well!!! Thank You Lord for all You have blessed me with, everyday, even when I have a hard time seeing it.....
Friday, October 28, 2011
On Abuse
On abuse:
"The younger the victim, the more vulnerable he is. The more developmental skills and life experiences uncontaminated by trauma a child has, the more he has to draw on in the face of trauma. When life goes well, and children are loved and protected, each day is like a deposit in a savings account. Neglect, repeated physical abuse or sexual assault...or other life-threatening events, make huge withdrawals on the account. The more a child has in the bank when the trauma occurs, the better the prognosis for a quick recovery. Small children who are repeatedly traumatized usually have few deposits and easily become emotionally bankrupt.
In troubled families, the thinking around who is responsible is convoluted at best. Abusive parents externalize, blaming other people, places and things for their behavior. They compensate by controlling everyone around them. But...in their heart of hearts...they feel out of control. They must blame others because it is too painful to take responsibility for their unhappiness. Children are easy targets because they cannot challenge their parent's thinking errors. Few children can argue when facing an enraged mother. Hearing accusations often enough, children come to believe that they are responsible for their parent's troubled behavior.
Feelings begin in the body, not in the mind. Many survivors say, "I know what happened wasn't my fault, but I still feel somewhat unlovable and damaged. My self-worth is measured by how other people see me. My head knows that is wrong, but my heart feels differently. Thinking comes much more easily to me...it's still a big risk to feel. If I ever started to cry, I'd cry a river. If I ever felt the terror of it all, I'd disintegrate into nothingness."
Beyond teaching children to recognize and articulate their feelings, parents help children to contain and express feelings constructively. When children do not learn how to do this they may become overwhelmed by them, experiencing them as floods. They may come to fear or loathe their feelings.
Adults from abusive homes can also become pain-avoidant. Survivors attempt to control the people and events around them so that they will never feel pain again.
What is most tragic about pain-avoidant behavior is that it is a defense against something that has already happened and cannot be undone. A survivor cannot live fully in the present until he or she has the past in perspective. Sometimes being preoccupied and defensive about the pain waiting in the future is just a distraction from addressing the real pain in the past.
To be intimate is to risk pain. There are no guanantees. To miss years of loving to avoid the pain of loss is too high a price to pay.
When the losses engendered by trauma are fully mourned, the trauma loses its power over the survivor. Instead of the emotional breakdown they feared...survivors experience an emotional breakthrough! Completing the grieving process means divorcing the trauma from one's sense of identity and self-worth.
(from the blog: http://adultsurvivors.blogspot.com/)
*I am currently looking to see if there is a link between fibro/chronic pain and childhood abuse. Also, I have really been struggling lately... i don't know if it's cuz my girls are the age I was when it was hell, or if it's cuz in breaking the cycle I see all I endured and who my mother is now.... I am going to look into some counseling and have an appt tomorrow to check into it. ~B
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Monday's day
Today is Monday... the start of the business work.... well, I had some personal business I had to do.... I had to tell someone that I cared about a lot that things can't go a certain way (at least for now), but I must say I was MORE than respected!!! It is hard to have to tell people things you know they don't want to hear and you don't want to have to say either.... but whether it be family, kids, health, timing>your's and/or God's, it is a time to heal for everyone..... but what they respect, is PLZ, tell me what's up!! They would rather hear the truth that be blown off..... I know I would.... I prayed and asked God for the words and it worked out.... and I am honestly glad I got my moxy and addressed the issue! God knows what He is doing and I am s
Same holds true for fibro.... I am NOT ashamed of my limitations, I am proud of what I do get accomplished! If someone can not deal with the fact that it is a day by day thing with planning, especially now with this "protruding disc" in my neck I am also struggling with..... even right I am feeling my a limitation..... I am gonna fall asleep sitting up here on the couch on my laptop, and that isn't good for fibro either.....
So to sum it all up, Jesus tells us to treat others like we would want to be treated and the truth will set us free.... and as we act upon His words, may He guide us and may we know His direction for our lives, lives WITH fibro, but still fill of life!!
Tx for reading! =)
Same holds true for fibro.... I am NOT ashamed of my limitations, I am proud of what I do get accomplished! If someone can not deal with the fact that it is a day by day thing with planning, especially now with this "protruding disc" in my neck I am also struggling with..... even right I am feeling my a limitation..... I am gonna fall asleep sitting up here on the couch on my laptop, and that isn't good for fibro either.....
So to sum it all up, Jesus tells us to treat others like we would want to be treated and the truth will set us free.... and as we act upon His words, may He guide us and may we know His direction for our lives, lives WITH fibro, but still fill of life!!
Tx for reading! =)
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Who I am in Christ
I sit here and think how different my life is now then when I was a kid..... boy have I grown up.... in SO many ways! Emotionally, life sucked for me growing up, it was just me and my single mom, and I don't say this with hatred, but she is crazy and it makes me sad but I can't have a relationship with her....
With all of my heart I believe God's purpose, His plan.... what He called me for; to break the cycle! And with His help, and only cuz of Him, I have made it... I still have room to grow, but I did this! Not by myself and not of myself, GO GOD!!! Only He can truly change the heart....
I look back at who I once was, an I don't even recognize her... I am now His, well, I was always His, I just didn't see it sometimes cuz of my stubborn heart! But God chose me, called me, and He will NEVER let me or my girls go.... He holds us close in His hand and with Him.
I can also say I forgive my mom, and even my birth-father.... His forgiveness, His love, all He asks, is that I give Him my heart, and He promises to love me forever and never let me go!!! God's love is so unfathomable!!!! And He is why I am who I am and who I'm gonna be! Without Him, I would have nothing to hope in, but with Him, I have true joy and love that can only be found IN HIM!
I love you Lord and thank you for saving me not only from my past, but also saving me from myself, and who I would be without You..... You make me a loving and caring mom and I couldn't ask for better kids either! Thank you Lord for never giving up and for holding and keeping "our little family" together in Your arms, where we are safe, forever and ever....Amen ~B
With all of my heart I believe God's purpose, His plan.... what He called me for; to break the cycle! And with His help, and only cuz of Him, I have made it... I still have room to grow, but I did this! Not by myself and not of myself, GO GOD!!! Only He can truly change the heart....
I look back at who I once was, an I don't even recognize her... I am now His, well, I was always His, I just didn't see it sometimes cuz of my stubborn heart! But God chose me, called me, and He will NEVER let me or my girls go.... He holds us close in His hand and with Him.
I can also say I forgive my mom, and even my birth-father.... His forgiveness, His love, all He asks, is that I give Him my heart, and He promises to love me forever and never let me go!!! God's love is so unfathomable!!!! And He is why I am who I am and who I'm gonna be! Without Him, I would have nothing to hope in, but with Him, I have true joy and love that can only be found IN HIM!
I love you Lord and thank you for saving me not only from my past, but also saving me from myself, and who I would be without You..... You make me a loving and caring mom and I couldn't ask for better kids either! Thank you Lord for never giving up and for holding and keeping "our little family" together in Your arms, where we are safe, forever and ever....Amen ~B
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
protruding disc :\
MY ORIG POST, AND my friends in my chronic pain group(s) are WONDERFUL!!!
So I saw my doc today.... went well, trying a new 24 hour muscle relaxer (it's an older one, not supposed to make people as tired), will let you all know... AND WE LOOKED AT MY MRI, I knew I wasn't crazy, It shows disc protrusion between my C3 and C4 (in the neck) and it's bulging TO THE LEFT! Right where I feel the pain!!With fibro I am not a good candidate for surgery (with my fibro), nerve block (done them before) is what I will be looking into,AND I'm not as bad AS I WAS 2 years ago, so the recovery and such would hopefully be a lot better this time.... I have done the physical therapy, and that is TOO aggressive, does anyone have any stretches to push that disc back? It would be nice to actually fix this, not just block it if at all possible. (*I will be looking at the specialist the first part of January, doing some local shots here on the 1st of November and wanna wait til after the holidays, cuz the nerve blocks take a while while your nerve endings SLOWLY continue to die over a few week period, not fun!)
My Response to all their wonderful help and words of encouragement!
Ty everyone..... I am just feeling "blah" about it right now.... I mean, my fibro is getting managed, but this neck crap, ha!!! I wish I could just fix it, but no, gotta love fibro <insert sarcasm here>. The new muscle relaxer, actually it's an oldie, 24 hours and not supposed to make you tired, i took it this afternoon and still feel ok, similar to skelaxin i would say.... it is called, "Piroxicam". Oh, and to top it all off, my doc is preg (and i am SO happy for her, but she is gonna be gone from Jan 1st -April 1st) I asked her about it and she said they were gonna have a fill in..... praying for a good doc, even half as good as her! :\
*(This was what I posted on FB tonight).... I really wish and pray for healing.... I would love to see my fibro go into remission!!!!! One day and one step at a time!
So I saw my doc today.... went well, trying a new 24 hour muscle relaxer (it's an older one, not supposed to make people as tired), will let you all know... AND WE LOOKED AT MY MRI, I knew I wasn't crazy, It shows disc protrusion between my C3 and C4 (in the neck) and it's bulging TO THE LEFT! Right where I feel the pain!!With fibro I am not a good candidate for surgery (with my fibro), nerve block (done them before) is what I will be looking into,AND I'm not as bad AS I WAS 2 years ago, so the recovery and such would hopefully be a lot better this time.... I have done the physical therapy, and that is TOO aggressive, does anyone have any stretches to push that disc back? It would be nice to actually fix this, not just block it if at all possible. (*I will be looking at the specialist the first part of January, doing some local shots here on the 1st of November and wanna wait til after the holidays, cuz the nerve blocks take a while while your nerve endings SLOWLY continue to die over a few week period, not fun!)
My Response to all their wonderful help and words of encouragement!
Ty everyone..... I am just feeling "blah" about it right now.... I mean, my fibro is getting managed, but this neck crap, ha!!! I wish I could just fix it, but no, gotta love fibro <insert sarcasm here>. The new muscle relaxer, actually it's an oldie, 24 hours and not supposed to make you tired, i took it this afternoon and still feel ok, similar to skelaxin i would say.... it is called, "Piroxicam". Oh, and to top it all off, my doc is preg (and i am SO happy for her, but she is gonna be gone from Jan 1st -April 1st) I asked her about it and she said they were gonna have a fill in..... praying for a good doc, even half as good as her! :\
*(This was what I posted on FB tonight).... I really wish and pray for healing.... I would love to see my fibro go into remission!!!!! One day and one step at a time!
Monday, October 17, 2011
fentanyl patch tips
Today I'm just touching on the topic of the fentanyl patch and some tips for it.... Some I learned the hard way! :\
1. NEVER put the fentanyl patch on tattoo'd skin. It should NEVER go directly on the tattoo. Mine literally opened up the tattoo, burned and ate at it a bit... took it off quick and have been careful ever since.
2. IF you should need tape to help hold on the patch, make sure it's BREATHABLE tape. If it can't breath, you can/will overdose and oh boy, you feel sick, weak, light-headed and sweat A LOT!! The tape I use is 3M flexible clear tape (3/4"). They do NOT carry it at our wal-mart here, but they do at the pharmacies including Walgreens.
3. The tape residue can get stuck on and hard to come off. They carry little "wipie-things" to wipe off the goo, but I have not used it yet, have heard ladies that have and they say they work really good. (I just heard about them a couple weeks ago, and haven't bought them yet as they are pretty expensive. I was told they were cheaper online.) The name brand is uni-patch adhesive remover wipes, and I found them in a google search and on ebay.
SINCE I DON'T HAVE THE WIPE-OFF GOO PADS, I USE: neosporin (the generic kind) or Eucerin AQUAPHOR healing ointment. I rub it on the area really good, wait/let it set a few minutes, and the goo will gently scrape/wipe off.
4. My skin is sensitive and I personally change my patch every 48 hours. The recommend dosage is every 72 hours, so this is something you need to ask your doctor about. I know for me, it's not just that the patch seems to wear off more on the 3rd day, but by the end of day 2, I am ready to rip off the old patch, it itches!!
5. Make sure to dispose of your old patches properly. I flush mine usually, but if that is not an option, I have a large empty prescription bottle that I put my discarded patches in. They NEVER go directly in the trash, not just for kids, but because of my PETS.
These are just a few simple tips for those of us that use/are on the fentanyl patch for chronic pain and need round the clock pain medication. To all my fellow chronic pain and fibro warriors, hang in there and hope that as you are reading this, you are feeling relatively well. God Bless!
1. NEVER put the fentanyl patch on tattoo'd skin. It should NEVER go directly on the tattoo. Mine literally opened up the tattoo, burned and ate at it a bit... took it off quick and have been careful ever since.
2. IF you should need tape to help hold on the patch, make sure it's BREATHABLE tape. If it can't breath, you can/will overdose and oh boy, you feel sick, weak, light-headed and sweat A LOT!! The tape I use is 3M flexible clear tape (3/4"). They do NOT carry it at our wal-mart here, but they do at the pharmacies including Walgreens.
3. The tape residue can get stuck on and hard to come off. They carry little "wipie-things" to wipe off the goo, but I have not used it yet, have heard ladies that have and they say they work really good. (I just heard about them a couple weeks ago, and haven't bought them yet as they are pretty expensive. I was told they were cheaper online.) The name brand is uni-patch adhesive remover wipes, and I found them in a google search and on ebay.
SINCE I DON'T HAVE THE WIPE-OFF GOO PADS, I USE: neosporin (the generic kind) or Eucerin AQUAPHOR healing ointment. I rub it on the area really good, wait/let it set a few minutes, and the goo will gently scrape/wipe off.
4. My skin is sensitive and I personally change my patch every 48 hours. The recommend dosage is every 72 hours, so this is something you need to ask your doctor about. I know for me, it's not just that the patch seems to wear off more on the 3rd day, but by the end of day 2, I am ready to rip off the old patch, it itches!!
5. Make sure to dispose of your old patches properly. I flush mine usually, but if that is not an option, I have a large empty prescription bottle that I put my discarded patches in. They NEVER go directly in the trash, not just for kids, but because of my PETS.
These are just a few simple tips for those of us that use/are on the fentanyl patch for chronic pain and need round the clock pain medication. To all my fellow chronic pain and fibro warriors, hang in there and hope that as you are reading this, you are feeling relatively well. God Bless!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
mini epiphany
Of all the things in life I have learned the most, is that life is gonna change and you gotta be able to go with it.... sometimes, you never know where it will take you... :)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Physical Dependence, Addiction, and Tolerance
This explains the differences really well:
Physical Dependence, Addiction, and Tolerance
As more doctors begin to consider a trial of opioid therapy for patients with chronic noncancer pain, the need to eliminate the stigma, the myths, and the misconceptions that surround these drugs is a priority. Pain specialists have been working toward this goal. The following are some key points about opioid therapy:
Many people confuse physical dependence, which is the occurrence of withdrawal when the drug is stopped, with addiction. Withdrawal is a physical phenomenon that means that the body has adapted to the drug in such a way that a "rebound" occurs when the drug is suddenly stopped. The kind of symptoms that occur include rapid pulse, sweating, nausea and vomiting, diarrhea, runny nose, "gooseflesh," and anxiety. All people who take opioids for a period of time can potentially have this withdrawal syndrome if the drug is stopped or the dose is suddenly lowered. This is not a problem as long as it is prevented by avoiding sudden reductions in the dose.
Physical dependence is entirely different from addiction. Addiction is defined by a loss of control over the drug, compulsive use of the drug, and continued use of the drug even if it is harming the person or others. People who become addicted often deny that they have a problem, even as they desperately try to maintain the supply of the drug.
Addiction is a "biopsychosocial" disease. This means that most people who become addicted to drugs are probably predisposed (it is in the genes) but only develop the problem if they have access to the drug and take it at a time and in a way that leaves them vulnerable. A very large experience in the treatment of patients with chronic pain indicates that the risk of addiction among people with no prior history of substance abuse who are given an opioid for pain is very low. The history of substance abuse doesn't mean that a patient should never get an opioid for pain, but does suggest that the doctor must be very cautious when prescribing and monitoring this therapy.
People with chronic pain should understand the difference between physical dependence and addiction. Unreasonable fears about addiction should not be the reason that doctors refuse this therapy or patients refuse to take it.
Tolerance to opioid drugs occurs but is seldom a clinical problem. Tolerance means that taking the drug changes the body in such a way that the drug loses its effect over time. If the effect that is lost is a side effect, like sleepiness, tolerance is a good thing. If the effect is pain relief, tolerance is a problem. Fortunately, a very large experience indicates that most patients can reach a favorable balance between pain relief and side effects then stabilize at this dose for a long period of time. If doses need to be increased because pain returns, it is more commonly due to worsening of the painful disease than it is to tolerance.
Although opioids can make people sleepy and cloud their thinking, this side effect is usually temporary and long-term therapy is usually associated with normal thinking. Many people fear that taking an opioid will cause them to become "a zombie," unable to function even if the pain is relieved. Fortunately, this is not the case. Most patients can take these drugs for a long period of time and be mentally normal. Patients who have been stabilized on opioid therapy and are clearheaded can drive, work, and do whatever else is necessary.
Opioid drugs are not a cure-all. Although pain specialists now believe that many patients can benefit from this therapy, they also recognize that some patients do poorly. Some patients experience sleepiness or mental clouding that never clears, and still others develop persistent nausea or severe constipation. Some patients actually do not function well when treated with these drugs. Finally, some cannot be responsible drug takers; rarely, a true addiction develops.
For all these reasons, chronic opioid therapy is generally not a first-line treatment for patients with persistent pain. Each patient who is a possible candidate should be evaluated by a professional who is knowledgeable about the use of this therapy.
Patients who receive a trial of an opioid drug should expect to be carefully monitored by their physicians. Any patient given opioid drugs to treat pain should follow the doctor's prescription exactly. Patients should never increase the dose on their own. They should never go to another physician to get prescriptions and should always be completely honest in reporting the effects produced by the drug.
The physician will inquire about pain relief; side effects; the ability to function physically, psychologically and socially; and the occurrence of any behavior that suggests problems in controlling the medication. For some patients, very intensive monitoring is appropriate; for others, monitoring can be less intensive.
Some doctors will want the patient to agree to a contract that describes the patient's responsibilities when taking the drug. Some physicians will even want to monitor the patient's urine to make sure that the patient is taking only the drugs that should be taken. A physician may want these things to feel secure in the knowledge that the patient is appropriately using the drug. When the physician is able to have this security, he or she is free to act in the patient's best interests. A good relationship between the physician and patient is needed for long term opioid therapy to be successful.
The drugs that are now used to treat chronic pain include morphine, hydromorphone, oxycodone, fentanyl, methadone and others. Some opioids, like codeine and hydrocodone, are usually prescribed in combination with acetaminophen or aspirin. Although the latter drugs are sometimes used for chronic pain, long-acting drugs are generally preferred. These long-acting drugs can be taken twice a day, once a day or, in the case of the fentanyl, by patch.
Although some people believe that opioid drugs are only appropriate for certain kinds of pain, doctors are unable to accurately predict which pain problems will not respond.
Each opioid produces a different range of effects in each individual. The same person may get too sleepy from morphine but experience very little sleepiness from oxycodone, or vice versa. For this reason, many pain specialists are now suggesting that patients with chronic noncancer pain be given an opportunity to try different commercially available opioid drugs in order to find the drug that produces the most favorable balance between pain relief and side effects.
Regardless of the opioid, the dose often has to be adjusted to get the best effect. Patients should understand that adjustment of the dose and the use of other medicines, like laxatives, to treat side effects are a common part of therapy.
http://www.stoppain.org/pain_medicine/content/medication/opioids.asp#physical (copied the above this site/url)
http://www.stoppain.org/- main website with above info
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Annie Johnson Flint and Pressed
My aunt introduced me to Annie Johnson Flint.... I had never heard of her til recently, she was a woman who's mother died giving birth to her little sister, was orphaned, her adoptive parents died.... she had a crummy crummy childhood, but she loved the Lord, and that made life worthwhile, worth living, gave her joy! When she was young and going to college to be a teacher, she started getting crippling pain in her hands and it only got worse and spread til her whole body hurt (major arthritis of some kind) and she eventually couldn't walk and was bedridden.... but through it all, she loved the Lord and He sustained her. It was not EASY in ANY way! But she persevered. I believe she lived in chronic pain for the last 20 years of her life. She eventually passed on of cancer. Her writings and poems are still in existence and circulating. They have helped many countless people.... her story is one of incredible faith!!
Her story is one that touches my life everyday.... Fibromyalgia is a disease of chronic pain that at this time does not have a cure at this time. All I can do is my best to monitor and take care of my health and stay as well as I can... literally ONE day at a time! Her poetry inspired me and I wanted to share it as well.... Definitely one we can relate to!!!
this is a great site for her biography.... http://preceptaustin.org/annie_johnson_flint's_biography.htm
Annie Johnson Flint- "Pressed"
Her story is one that touches my life everyday.... Fibromyalgia is a disease of chronic pain that at this time does not have a cure at this time. All I can do is my best to monitor and take care of my health and stay as well as I can... literally ONE day at a time! Her poetry inspired me and I wanted to share it as well.... Definitely one we can relate to!!!
this is a great site for her biography.... http://preceptaustin.org/annie_johnson_flint's_biography.htm
Annie Johnson Flint- "Pressed"
Pressed out of measure and pressed to all length;
Pressed so intensely it seems, beyond strength!
Pressed in the body and pressed in the soul;
Pressed in the mind till the dark surges roll.
Pressed so intensely it seems, beyond strength!
Pressed in the body and pressed in the soul;
Pressed in the mind till the dark surges roll.
Pressure by foes, and pressure by friends;
Pressure on pressure, till life nearly ends!
Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into loving the Staff and the Rod!
Pressure on pressure, till life nearly ends!
Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into loving the Staff and the Rod!
Pressed into Liberty where nothing clings;
Pressed into faith for impossible things!
Pressed into tasting the joy of the Lord;
Pressed into living a Christ-Life outpoured!"
Pressed into faith for impossible things!
Pressed into tasting the joy of the Lord;
Pressed into living a Christ-Life outpoured!"
Monday, October 3, 2011
flare feels like the flu
ahhhhh, I take a few slow deep relaxing breathes..... it has been a long weekend....actually, it's been a long few days, and even WEEKS! Today, I slept ALOT. and I mean ALOT! I was able to do this because the girl's father took our youngest out to pizza hut (for some much craved wings) and then to his place and played some hard brain-teaser game online (it is for smart people, they think it's fun, it is hard, lol). And my oldest, ahhh, she was chillin' here at home, reading, and reading, and reading, and ..... she found out she has a report due on Wednesday and she had to finish her book, she spent 9 hours reading today. I spent that time sleeping.... I got up for a little while and bugged her, but she did it!!
This weekend I can truly say has been a fibro one! That is NOT a good thing. I am stronger than fibro, and I do win the war, but right now it feels like fibro has the upper-hand in "this war"! This afternoon, after I had got up for a while, well, been awake, moving, huh, that took more effort!! So I woke up, and stretched and finally sat up. I was sitting on the edge of the bed, getting up was gonna be a "mini battle" itself, and thought, "Man, it feels like I have the flu. I am tired, worn out, hurting, aching, some headache, and even feel feverish." And so I sat there and thought, "Hmm, could I have the flu." And then I went over my symptoms and thought about how I was feeling. "Fibro-flare, not a flu, but it feels like one." I remember feeling defeated and exhausted, but also thankful that I had the day to nap and rest. And I did just that. I rested, and rested, and.....
Today fibro might have got me, but it can only have my body. I will not let it destroy me! For me to say it will not have me period, no, that's not accurate. Fibro does have and will have a place in my life. A very prominent place that my life revolves around in so many ways. From the little things like trying to vacuum, do laundry, cooking and shopping to the big things like going on trips, planning events, and big celebrations and such. It creeps into EVERY area, small to large, which includes life's medium, like mowing the yard (to me, that is big, cuz I ain't even gonna get that baby started!). (I have a wonderful person in my life and I am so thankful for all the help on my yard this year.)
I did get a lot accomplished when I was up today.... spent time with the girls, friends, subway, frap, washed a few loads of laundry, organized lists in the house, did the budget and bills, organized papers and even got my thoughts out on here..... I am getting there.... one step at a time.... (I notice that I say that ALOT).... my new mantra?? I am finally super sleepy and my baby (Ella ) is whining that it is time for bed, so gonna log off and shut down.... tomorrow is a new day.... :) Nite'
This weekend I can truly say has been a fibro one! That is NOT a good thing. I am stronger than fibro, and I do win the war, but right now it feels like fibro has the upper-hand in "this war"! This afternoon, after I had got up for a while, well, been awake, moving, huh, that took more effort!! So I woke up, and stretched and finally sat up. I was sitting on the edge of the bed, getting up was gonna be a "mini battle" itself, and thought, "Man, it feels like I have the flu. I am tired, worn out, hurting, aching, some headache, and even feel feverish." And so I sat there and thought, "Hmm, could I have the flu." And then I went over my symptoms and thought about how I was feeling. "Fibro-flare, not a flu, but it feels like one." I remember feeling defeated and exhausted, but also thankful that I had the day to nap and rest. And I did just that. I rested, and rested, and.....
Today fibro might have got me, but it can only have my body. I will not let it destroy me! For me to say it will not have me period, no, that's not accurate. Fibro does have and will have a place in my life. A very prominent place that my life revolves around in so many ways. From the little things like trying to vacuum, do laundry, cooking and shopping to the big things like going on trips, planning events, and big celebrations and such. It creeps into EVERY area, small to large, which includes life's medium, like mowing the yard (to me, that is big, cuz I ain't even gonna get that baby started!). (I have a wonderful person in my life and I am so thankful for all the help on my yard this year.)
I did get a lot accomplished when I was up today.... spent time with the girls, friends, subway, frap, washed a few loads of laundry, organized lists in the house, did the budget and bills, organized papers and even got my thoughts out on here..... I am getting there.... one step at a time.... (I notice that I say that ALOT).... my new mantra?? I am finally super sleepy and my baby (Ella ) is whining that it is time for bed, so gonna log off and shut down.... tomorrow is a new day.... :) Nite'
Friday, September 30, 2011
Sharing Words
Recently, well, within the past 6 or so months, I have been reaching out online for chronic pain support. Along the way, I have met some amazing people and even some I can call friends! I have been blessed by all the support! For those that know me, I am a giant nerd at heart and my 2nd favorite book is my thesaurus, (the first is my Bible- there is NO beating that one-that is straight from the Word of God, but that is another blog,lol). Word have always been my thing... I love them, their meaning, their differences, how we can tell so much by just one word! Our words have such meaning and such an effect on our lives and those around us.... Beth Moore once said, "God words are omnipotent, but our words are POTENT". Definitely are words carry a lot of weight and meaning behind them.
Having fibromyalgia has changed the way I see the world and they way I express myself and what I immerse myself in.... One of the things that has been beyond helpful are the "inspirational quotes and stories" of so many others out there, like me, suffering alone with bodies that hurt.... I try to will away the pain, it's still here... so what I have to do is make it through the pain.... and that is where support from others has been a vital key! I read others stories, ways they cope, hints and tips.... and that's just the surface.... I also feel like I know some of them, pray for them, think about them, talk to some of them, and call them "my fibro friends and family"! We are pain warriors and fighters and also family as we are connected by the invisible thread that connects us together in ways that have been touching and endearing and sometimes even, life changing!
So today I was online and on facebook, yes, I use facebook, most people do, they just don't want to admit it! It can be used for bad, but it can also be a tool used for fighting fibro and that is my focus on it and for what I've put in, I have received back ten-fold! Ok, back to me being on facebook today.... I was on the page for fibro called http://www.facebook.com/fibro.fighterz and it lead me to another site http://fibrofighterz.weebly.com/our-storiez.html and on that page I read some stories of other woman with fibro and how they found out, cope with it, and how it has effected their lives as well. One of the woman mentioned "4 rules she lives by", and they were good. Short and simple and makes life much less complicated.....
"It is my opinion that it is better not to dwell on your illnesses, but rather to be happy with what you have in life. I live by four rules. One, I only do things that make me happy, two, I live very close to God (this does not mean I get to church every Sunday, because sometimes I am in a lot of pain), three, I say no more often, and four, I try to stay as healthy as possible under the circumstances. I find that all four rules go with one another. If you keep one you keep the other." (Barbaraane's Story)
The first one probably spoke to me the most, but so did 2 and also 3 and 4! Fibromyalgia is hard enough if you are in a situation that is not healthy or good for you, both emotionally and physically! I am gonna definitly ask myself next time, does this make ME happy? Is this/Am I living close to God? I will say NO WAY more often, lol. and lastly, and something I just put as a facebook status, keep working on STAYING as healthy as possible..... and doing that takes the first 3.... wonderful rules for a fibro-mite to live by!
I am so grateful for all the other woman out there that are brave and stand up and fight and share it also!!! It is not easy living with something that "seems" invisible.... It's effects are VERY visible, items like things I've lost or can't do anymore, little things like the laundry piling up (well, it's not THAT little, lol) to the things in life that make you who you are.... chronic pain has completely changed me, and while I would love to have a life without pain, that is not my life. My life is here and now and all I can do is pray that God sees me through each and every day and that in the end my life will bring Him glory..... Like I once heard, May I be God's sparkle! And may I see the the happiness only God can bring. I pray... Lord, help me to look and see the positives in my life THROUGH the pain and despite the pain. Help me to not just live the life I have, but to be happy with it, which comes from You and Your Joy!
Having fibromyalgia has changed the way I see the world and they way I express myself and what I immerse myself in.... One of the things that has been beyond helpful are the "inspirational quotes and stories" of so many others out there, like me, suffering alone with bodies that hurt.... I try to will away the pain, it's still here... so what I have to do is make it through the pain.... and that is where support from others has been a vital key! I read others stories, ways they cope, hints and tips.... and that's just the surface.... I also feel like I know some of them, pray for them, think about them, talk to some of them, and call them "my fibro friends and family"! We are pain warriors and fighters and also family as we are connected by the invisible thread that connects us together in ways that have been touching and endearing and sometimes even, life changing!
So today I was online and on facebook, yes, I use facebook, most people do, they just don't want to admit it! It can be used for bad, but it can also be a tool used for fighting fibro and that is my focus on it and for what I've put in, I have received back ten-fold! Ok, back to me being on facebook today.... I was on the page for fibro called http://www.facebook.com/fibro.fighterz and it lead me to another site http://fibrofighterz.weebly.com/our-storiez.html and on that page I read some stories of other woman with fibro and how they found out, cope with it, and how it has effected their lives as well. One of the woman mentioned "4 rules she lives by", and they were good. Short and simple and makes life much less complicated.....
"It is my opinion that it is better not to dwell on your illnesses, but rather to be happy with what you have in life. I live by four rules. One, I only do things that make me happy, two, I live very close to God (this does not mean I get to church every Sunday, because sometimes I am in a lot of pain), three, I say no more often, and four, I try to stay as healthy as possible under the circumstances. I find that all four rules go with one another. If you keep one you keep the other." (Barbaraane's Story)
The first one probably spoke to me the most, but so did 2 and also 3 and 4! Fibromyalgia is hard enough if you are in a situation that is not healthy or good for you, both emotionally and physically! I am gonna definitly ask myself next time, does this make ME happy? Is this/Am I living close to God? I will say NO WAY more often, lol. and lastly, and something I just put as a facebook status, keep working on STAYING as healthy as possible..... and doing that takes the first 3.... wonderful rules for a fibro-mite to live by!
I am so grateful for all the other woman out there that are brave and stand up and fight and share it also!!! It is not easy living with something that "seems" invisible.... It's effects are VERY visible, items like things I've lost or can't do anymore, little things like the laundry piling up (well, it's not THAT little, lol) to the things in life that make you who you are.... chronic pain has completely changed me, and while I would love to have a life without pain, that is not my life. My life is here and now and all I can do is pray that God sees me through each and every day and that in the end my life will bring Him glory..... Like I once heard, May I be God's sparkle! And may I see the the happiness only God can bring. I pray... Lord, help me to look and see the positives in my life THROUGH the pain and despite the pain. Help me to not just live the life I have, but to be happy with it, which comes from You and Your Joy!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
One day at a time
Fibromyalgia.... just the word itself makes my mind conjure up all sorts of feelings, from the lows to the highs, fibromyalgia is a life changer for sure. I watched soul surfer this morning and they asked her if she could go back and not have gone out that day when the shark attacked her, would she? And she said no, because of who it made her today. I want to have this attitude when it comes to my fibro.... but it is VERY VERY hard!!
I am slower and limited, but I have learned unconditional love and learned to let go of things I can't control and learned that things will be ok.... somehow, someway, they find a way of working themselves out.... There are days when living with fibro seems like the end of the world, and on the other extreme, days when I feel like a "true warrior" I fight and persevere so much! My children have learned empathy, compassion and caring because of my illness.....
For all the bad that comes with fibro, I have to believe that there is some good in it, that something good can come out of it, and God can use it for His good, His glory! I don't know why me or how it'll all play out, but I know that I am His princess and He holds me close and sees me through 1 day at a time.... and sometimes that's the only to be.... to live.... 1 day at a time! Together and offering support, we can all make it though....
I am slower and limited, but I have learned unconditional love and learned to let go of things I can't control and learned that things will be ok.... somehow, someway, they find a way of working themselves out.... There are days when living with fibro seems like the end of the world, and on the other extreme, days when I feel like a "true warrior" I fight and persevere so much! My children have learned empathy, compassion and caring because of my illness.....
For all the bad that comes with fibro, I have to believe that there is some good in it, that something good can come out of it, and God can use it for His good, His glory! I don't know why me or how it'll all play out, but I know that I am His princess and He holds me close and sees me through 1 day at a time.... and sometimes that's the only to be.... to live.... 1 day at a time! Together and offering support, we can all make it though....
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Happy Star Saturday :)
The past week sucked, pain and pain and more pain!!! It is SO hard when a fibromite gets a cold and a flu before that.... it was terrible.... BUT, this morning when I woke up and can truly say that the flare-up is subsiding and I feel sooo much better.... even went out with the girls to JCP and did some "extreme coupon" shopping and it was SOOO good, gotta love "retail therapy"! (This is what I posted on my fibro fb page) . Happy Saturday, tonight we are gonna go to a star party at the reservoir it is gonna be fun!!! So glad to be feeling better! Thank you Lord!!! :) It is a happy day for me cuz I'm feeling better, love it when my fibro calms!!!!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Flipped for Joy
Friday is here and no school today.... Our local school district is trying something new, the 2nd Friday of every month is a half day and I think that every 4th Friday is a teacher in-service day, It's to kinda sorta try out the "no school Friday" idea; it would help out with the budget. So they are home and my house, well, it's messy, but filled with love, lol!! :)
Life is a funny thing, just when you think life is supposed to be one way, whoosh! It takes a turn.... I am so glad that I have God and more importantly He has me! Thank You Lord for another day, for holding me close, for seeing me through life's ups and downs, for helping me keep sane with my fibro, and if at all possible, I do still pray for a miracle and would to love to have a life without fibro, but Lord, I would rather have fibro and have you than be "on the top" and be without joy, for You are my hope and my joy, what makes me me! Thank You Lord for my joy which can and only does come from You!!! In Jesus' name, Amen ~B
Life is a funny thing, just when you think life is supposed to be one way, whoosh! It takes a turn.... I am so glad that I have God and more importantly He has me! Thank You Lord for another day, for holding me close, for seeing me through life's ups and downs, for helping me keep sane with my fibro, and if at all possible, I do still pray for a miracle and would to love to have a life without fibro, but Lord, I would rather have fibro and have you than be "on the top" and be without joy, for You are my hope and my joy, what makes me me! Thank You Lord for my joy which can and only does come from You!!! In Jesus' name, Amen ~B
Thursday, September 22, 2011
63 symptoms of fibro
63 Symptoms Of Fibro
Sharing this from a support group on fb, Thanks Melissa! :) By Melissa Sharp · Last edited on Wednesday · Edit Doc
No More Fibromyalgia
- 63 symptoms of Fibromyalgia Keep in mind that these are not all the symptoms by any means, just a list that were mentioned by different patients and friends.__ recurrent flu-like illness__ recurrent sore throats, red and injected__ painful lymph nodes under the arms and neck__ muscle and joint aches with tender and trigger points - up to 18 of them__ night sweats and fever__ severe nasal and other allergies__ irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)__ weight change - usually gain__ heart palpitations__ mitrial valve prolapse__ severe PMS__ yeast infections__ rashes and itching__ uncomfortable or frequent urination__ interstitial bladder cystitis__ chest pains (non-cardiac)__ temporomandibular joint dysfunction (in the jaw)__ hair loss__ carpal tunnel syndrome__ cold hands and feet__ dry eyes and mouth__ severe and debilitating fatigue__ widespread pain__ other chronic illness(es) usually present (like diabetes, hypoglycemia, asthma, lupus, ms, etc.)
__ numbness in the limbs, not painful like pins & needles
__ painful swelling in the hands, legs, feet, neck
__ GERDs (gastro-esophageal reflux disorder)
__ “growing pains” start in childhood and teens, continue into adulthood
__ widespread body pain during/after physical exertion
COGNITIVE FUNCTION PROBLEMS
__ attention deficit disorder
__ spatial disorientation
__ calculation difficulties
__ memory disturbance
__ communication difficulties (problems speaking, confusing words)
PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS
__ depression
__ anxiety and panic attacks
__ personality changes, usually for the worse
__ emotional liability (mood swings)
OTHER NERVOUS SYSTEM PROBLEMS
__ sleep disturbances
__ headaches
__ changes in visual acuity
__ numb or tingling feelings
__ burning sensations
__ light headedness
__ feeling 'spaced out'
__ desequilibrium
__ frequent unusual nightmares and disturbing dreams
__ tinnitus (ringing in the ears)
__ difficulty in moving your tongue to speak
__ severe muscle weakness
__ susceptibility to muscle, tendon, ligament injury
__ intolerance to bright lights
__ intolerance to alcohol
__ intolerance to sound
__ extreme sensitivity to medications and their side-effects
__ alteration of taste, smell, and hearing
__ insomnia
__ inability to achieve stage 4 restorative sleep
__ morning stiffness in the muscles and joints
__ restless leg syndrome
__ muscle spasms
__ muscle quakiness and shivering during/after activity
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Tuesday's Treasure
I have two wonderful and amazing and beautiful and wonderful daughters. My oldest is 15 and a freshman this year in high school and my youngest is 11 and a 6th grader in middle school. They are my pride and joy. Not just mine, but their father's as well. While their father and I may not be together anymore as a couple, we will be forever connected because of our daughters! We are co-parents. And we have worked very hard to get to where we are today, to work together for the benefit of them! Not us, them! We work and try as hard as we do because we love them with all our hearts! We love them unconditionally, and as much as we love them, imagine how much God does!!!
Tonight's topic that their father and I and later my oldest and her dad, with me their: teens, boys, and dating! AHHHH!!!!!! (I have a reservation for the padded room for when they both are teens...) No, in all honesty, I have great daughters. My oldest has a boyfriend and he met her dad last night, well, he called me today and we visited about teenage boys and his baby, he is very protective and with all rights, he should be! I wouldn't want it any other way! So we met up this evening and visited. Then he visited with our daughter and told her all about boys, teen-age boys, and omg!!! I thought they were bad, but he was one and laid it out there, she is old enough! I grew up with just my mom and gma, him, with his dad and 3 other brothers, so he knows boys! And after he left, my daughter and I were talking and she said, "I know dad knows what he's talking about when it comes to boys". Yes he does sweetie and we don't want you to be with a guy who does NOT treasure you!
I even learned some things tonight. My ex, he is very good at explaining, teaching, metaphors and getting down to the heart while keeping calm (we are not talking his and my relationship here, lol). Boys should treat you like a treasure, not a possession... you are too good for _____. He isn't worthy of you. Boys are addicts to what they haven't even had yet..... boys are walking hormones (nice way to put it)..... boys will say all the right things to get you to think a certain way.... they try to lower your boundaries.... sweet talk.... lower your defenses.... teenage boys think with one thing, not their brain either..... young and dumb and..... He laid it all out there for her without judgement.... but with her and her protection in mind.....Not because we don't trust her, but because people are still human, even her... to keep her from regrets.... We are actually giving her our trust with dating and we just needed to make sure she goes into dating with her eyes wide open and that she realize what trust we are giving her in dating as well!
The truth shall set you free... Teen age boys are/can be total pigs and they can be focused on one thing and we are gonna protect her with all we have and then some..... She is a young lady and I'm glad we/he was able to have this conversation with her and she listened and took it to heart.... It was eye opening to say the least. She is a treasure!!!! Girls, if the boy doesn't treasure you, RUN the other way!!! You are too good for him and he is not worthy of you! We are treasures and boys may not see it, but God ALWAYS does! We are HIS treasure, the apple of His eye.... He love us more than we can and will ever know!!!
I am His princess and my worth is more than any treasure this world has to offer.... His treasure! I am His and He holds me in the palm of His hand and will never let me go.... He is my hope and my joy and I am His! Oh, to be treasured by God! To be His daughter.... to be called by name..... to be held by His strong hand and His everlasting love.... I am and forever will be... TREASURED!
Tonight's topic that their father and I and later my oldest and her dad, with me their: teens, boys, and dating! AHHHH!!!!!! (I have a reservation for the padded room for when they both are teens...) No, in all honesty, I have great daughters. My oldest has a boyfriend and he met her dad last night, well, he called me today and we visited about teenage boys and his baby, he is very protective and with all rights, he should be! I wouldn't want it any other way! So we met up this evening and visited. Then he visited with our daughter and told her all about boys, teen-age boys, and omg!!! I thought they were bad, but he was one and laid it out there, she is old enough! I grew up with just my mom and gma, him, with his dad and 3 other brothers, so he knows boys! And after he left, my daughter and I were talking and she said, "I know dad knows what he's talking about when it comes to boys". Yes he does sweetie and we don't want you to be with a guy who does NOT treasure you!
I even learned some things tonight. My ex, he is very good at explaining, teaching, metaphors and getting down to the heart while keeping calm (we are not talking his and my relationship here, lol). Boys should treat you like a treasure, not a possession... you are too good for _____. He isn't worthy of you. Boys are addicts to what they haven't even had yet..... boys are walking hormones (nice way to put it)..... boys will say all the right things to get you to think a certain way.... they try to lower your boundaries.... sweet talk.... lower your defenses.... teenage boys think with one thing, not their brain either..... young and dumb and..... He laid it all out there for her without judgement.... but with her and her protection in mind.....Not because we don't trust her, but because people are still human, even her... to keep her from regrets.... We are actually giving her our trust with dating and we just needed to make sure she goes into dating with her eyes wide open and that she realize what trust we are giving her in dating as well!
The truth shall set you free... Teen age boys are/can be total pigs and they can be focused on one thing and we are gonna protect her with all we have and then some..... She is a young lady and I'm glad we/he was able to have this conversation with her and she listened and took it to heart.... It was eye opening to say the least. She is a treasure!!!! Girls, if the boy doesn't treasure you, RUN the other way!!! You are too good for him and he is not worthy of you! We are treasures and boys may not see it, but God ALWAYS does! We are HIS treasure, the apple of His eye.... He love us more than we can and will ever know!!!
I am His princess and my worth is more than any treasure this world has to offer.... His treasure! I am His and He holds me in the palm of His hand and will never let me go.... He is my hope and my joy and I am His! Oh, to be treasured by God! To be His daughter.... to be called by name..... to be held by His strong hand and His everlasting love.... I am and forever will be... TREASURED!
true thoughts on true love
Today is Tuesday and today's thoughts, true love, does it exist? I'm beginning to think it doesn't. I used to believe in it, but what makes some couples make it and some don't? I hear today the divorce rate is 65% now..... the leading cause of divorce: marriage!! (that's a good one, not mine, but I concur with itit !)
Does true love exist? With God it does, with man, uhhh.... men.... uuhhhhh, well, I am starting to wonder if I will ever fall in love or meet Mr. Right, or if I have, do I even know? My heart is full with my girls and my dogs.... and it is probably me whose heart is shut off.... can only handle so much! I am so tired of letting people in only to hurt later.....
I like my life and the balance and the flow.... but sometimes, especially at night when my brain is racing, is this what I want? I live everyday with pain, literally with fibromyalgia, so do I need a "pain-in-the-butt" bf to go along with my life? what is the end goal? Can I ever let someone in? Lord, what is Your plan for my life and Your purpose? Help me to see where You want me to go, what roads You have for me and who an if there is that special someone, may he love me even a little bit as You! May I be his treasure and know it and feel it and prepare hearts..... giving my heart and love life to you Lord.... Jesus' name, Amen
Does true love exist? With God it does, with man, uhhh.... men.... uuhhhhh, well, I am starting to wonder if I will ever fall in love or meet Mr. Right, or if I have, do I even know? My heart is full with my girls and my dogs.... and it is probably me whose heart is shut off.... can only handle so much! I am so tired of letting people in only to hurt later.....
I like my life and the balance and the flow.... but sometimes, especially at night when my brain is racing, is this what I want? I live everyday with pain, literally with fibromyalgia, so do I need a "pain-in-the-butt" bf to go along with my life? what is the end goal? Can I ever let someone in? Lord, what is Your plan for my life and Your purpose? Help me to see where You want me to go, what roads You have for me and who an if there is that special someone, may he love me even a little bit as You! May I be his treasure and know it and feel it and prepare hearts..... giving my heart and love life to you Lord.... Jesus' name, Amen
Monday, September 19, 2011
Monday sux
Well, it's Monday and it feels like a Monday! My feelings are hurt and I am still getting over my cold and it makes my fibro hurt.... I know I can be cranky at times, but where is the understanding for how I'm feeling, my pain, sometimes I just feel alone and it sux.... I know that I will be ok and this too shall pass, and so will the cold (how many zinc later?!?) It is amazing how pain can distort how I/people see things! I don't know what part is my pain, and if I should even really be upset? I just don't do well when people pull away.... I do that, I know I need to and have been working on it, but if you know my insecurities and how I struggle, do you really care? Do you even know whats going on in my head, my heart, my life, with me?!? I should be catching up on housework and laundry, but whenever I try to do stuff, my head starts to feel such pressure, my muscles ache, I'm achy and tired and feel miserable RIGHT NOW! I am very thankful for my online fibro support.... it means SSOOO much to me, others just like me, giving and receiving support, through prayers, notes, pics and such.... it has blessed me immensely! I am in a new group on fb called the silver lining of fibromyalgia and not only is it a place to vent and share, it is also a place to try and find some positive, and with pain, it can feel like there is only negative and takes work to see the positive... this site continually reminds me to try and see the positive and I have been trying to..... but it's hard when I feel like an I, not a we, with those in my life that I thought should care...... One step in front of the other, one day at a time, and even one moment by moment at a time if that's what the day calls for! I am so grateful for the support system I have and I probably need to just be honest about how I'm feeling.... in doing so, it may not go the way I hope, but at least I will know that I spoke from my heart and share my feelings with an attitude of listening and not just through my own lense of hurt.... I've said it once, and I know it's true, it is SO HARD to let people in, the pain I feel, it is mine to bear, but deep down, I don't wanna be alone, but letting people in and they just hurt me.... that sux too!!! Ultimately I hope and pray that the people in my life will show me understanding, acceptance and show me that you care!!! You might feel it, but if you don't tell me or show me, how can I know? Communication, like it isn't hard enough without fibro and the pain that comes with it!!! Praying that God will show me what direction He wants me to go and that He will put people in my life that will love and care about me, especially with my fibro, cuz the Lord knows I need it!!!
Please, if you have someone in your life that is flaring up or hurting worse than normal and they snap at you, please, remember where they are coming from, most likely from pain and it's GRAY and miserable view that follows it..... it's not personal and deep down, when we are hurting THAT much, we need people in our lives to understand more than ever!!! Need to know your in our corner so to speak!!! Grace, forgiveness and understanding just a few things necessary for dealing with and living with chronic pain and it's ripples that affect life in all ways!!! I hate fibro and wish it would go away, but it won't and acceptance and a wonderful support system is the key!!! Take a moment and let someone you know that's struggling, sick, and/or in pain, that you care about them and make sure their ok!!! sometimes that kind word means more than you'll know!!!
Pain and being sick is very lonely.... thank you for my wonderful family and friends that are in my corner.... I couldn't make it like I do without all of you!!! Hoping my evening goes better than last.... till then, gonna pop some more zinc and vitamins and rest as much as possible.... also, in prayer for God to touch my heart and give me His peace though this and to feel Him in my life more than ever so I don't feel so alone! God is good and His promises are true....(not always on my time)..... Know that no matter what, even if people disappoint me, God never will! To Him be all the glory forever and ever, Amen!!
Please, if you have someone in your life that is flaring up or hurting worse than normal and they snap at you, please, remember where they are coming from, most likely from pain and it's GRAY and miserable view that follows it..... it's not personal and deep down, when we are hurting THAT much, we need people in our lives to understand more than ever!!! Need to know your in our corner so to speak!!! Grace, forgiveness and understanding just a few things necessary for dealing with and living with chronic pain and it's ripples that affect life in all ways!!! I hate fibro and wish it would go away, but it won't and acceptance and a wonderful support system is the key!!! Take a moment and let someone you know that's struggling, sick, and/or in pain, that you care about them and make sure their ok!!! sometimes that kind word means more than you'll know!!!
Pain and being sick is very lonely.... thank you for my wonderful family and friends that are in my corner.... I couldn't make it like I do without all of you!!! Hoping my evening goes better than last.... till then, gonna pop some more zinc and vitamins and rest as much as possible.... also, in prayer for God to touch my heart and give me His peace though this and to feel Him in my life more than ever so I don't feel so alone! God is good and His promises are true....(not always on my time)..... Know that no matter what, even if people disappoint me, God never will! To Him be all the glory forever and ever, Amen!!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
little of this, little of that
So I came across a fb site where the gal who runs it and such is in Colorado.... I would so love to have a girlfriend that could understand what I'm going through.... It sucks to feel like those that should care don't.... really?!? anyway.... I am still battling my cold and know that I need to shut this down and go to bed early for once.... even just read about good sleeping habits and my doc has preached it to me several times... so taking the advice, white noise, and my Ella and gonna think good thoughts and try and get the negative out of my mind while thinking of waves and letting the negative go off into the sea.... til next time, try and get some sleep! :)
Saturday, September 17, 2011
crummy cold :(
I have a cold and I feel crummy! I am reading some new books, one is by Phillip Yancy, Where Is God When It Hurts? It looks good and I need to be uplifted.... and I have tried like 3 fictional books and just couldn't get into any..... My Aunt took my girls to sugar beet days, it's a cool craft/vendor fair and they gotta see family (aunts and uncle and cousins!!!) I wish I could have gone, but my fibro, it is flaring and it hurts to just turn, I can't drive, I HURT HURT HURT!!!! taking cold medicine, my meds for pain, and zinc to help fight this off!!! I know that this will pass though and am very grateful to have the wonderful daughters I do. Oh, and wonderful friends and their son, they came over and cooked for me and the girls, it was soooo yummy!!! It was nice! :) Will be glad to be on the mend and instead of "having" a cold, want to "get over" this cold.......
Friday, September 16, 2011
Fibro Friday: invisible pain week
So this past week was invisible pain awareness week, and for all of us that struggle with chronic "seemingly invisible pain", and all who live with and love those who struggle, it did not go by invisible! And, I did not suffer alone... My fibro friends and family and my fibro website, it has been an incredible journey and it is uniquely mine, yet shared at the same time, that's what pain does, it connects you.... If you have never been around chronic pain or experienced it first hand, well, it can be very lonely and isolating and a good support system is critical!
I must truly say, I have met some wonderful friends online... some, feel like family already! Many and most are wonderful women who suffer from chronic pain and fibro and many other debilitating conditions. Thank you Ladies and family and friends for ALL your support, I can honestly say, I don't feel so alone in my journey and life that is filled with chronic pain and suffering. It is very hard to live with... A regular cold and it's a flare-up for us, a simple walk can cause pain, just holding up our own bodies at time can be more than we can bear and we cry out in pain, from pain, and with a knowing that this is it... bleak, dreary, and depressing.... at times, it can be, there are many many sides of fibro and chronic pain, not all is shown and not all is seen...
Now though, when I am struggling and my fibro is at its worst, and emotionally I feel like I can't take this fibro and pain anymore, I now have a "fibro-family"... And with it being invisible pain awareness week, it has made me aware that I am not alone, I need not feel ashamed and even though I may have limitations, I am not less, if anything, may God be more in me in life's disappointments. Invisible pain week did not go by invisible, and I hope others have learned and seen the same this week!!
I must truly say, I have met some wonderful friends online... some, feel like family already! Many and most are wonderful women who suffer from chronic pain and fibro and many other debilitating conditions. Thank you Ladies and family and friends for ALL your support, I can honestly say, I don't feel so alone in my journey and life that is filled with chronic pain and suffering. It is very hard to live with... A regular cold and it's a flare-up for us, a simple walk can cause pain, just holding up our own bodies at time can be more than we can bear and we cry out in pain, from pain, and with a knowing that this is it... bleak, dreary, and depressing.... at times, it can be, there are many many sides of fibro and chronic pain, not all is shown and not all is seen...
Now though, when I am struggling and my fibro is at its worst, and emotionally I feel like I can't take this fibro and pain anymore, I now have a "fibro-family"... And with it being invisible pain awareness week, it has made me aware that I am not alone, I need not feel ashamed and even though I may have limitations, I am not less, if anything, may God be more in me in life's disappointments. Invisible pain week did not go by invisible, and I hope others have learned and seen the same this week!!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
from flu to cold, NOOO!!!!! :P
This morning I was asked, "how are you feeling?" my reply, "if by better you mean not throwing up and falling out of bed, then I'm doing great!" It started last night, and went form 0 to 60 in 2.5 (hours, lol)... It started with a splitting headache, that was soon followed by my stomach feeling yucky, I thought at first it was from the MASSIVE head-splitting-ache, but no, then a fever, then throwing up!!! It was THAT BAD!!! By morning, I think I was done throwing up for the most part, girls went to school and I slept and slept and rested.... by afternoon I was ready to eat some crackers and drink some apple juice.... by evening, much better, my fibro didn't think so, so took some medicine and took it easy, NOW THOUGH, my nose is drippy and my throat is scratchy... NOOO!!!! not a cold!!! At least the girls have a full day of school tomorrow and I can rest up some... and since it's the weekend, have the girls do some "extra" chores to help out... they are great at pitching in usually when I go down with being sick(er than normal), lol!!! Thanks for letting me vent.... It just sucks to be sick and even worse when we battle to feel good daily! I am so thankful for God and my girls and my family and support system (includes online) and I know that this too shall pass....
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Oh, how I need sleep, wonderful, sweet sleep :P
So I went and got my lower back dolphin worked on today. OMG!! Did I forget HOW much it hurt at first.... got a little one that says, "my gma luvs my tats" on my bumm! It didn't hurt and is too funny!!! The lower back one is a work in progress and I will need one more sitting, I used to be much tougher, but I did do good and was in the chair for about an hour and a half.... could have gone another half hour on shading, but no, not today! It is different.... I am gonna put something cool above it and tie it in.... Hint, Hint, Christmas.... lol
So for as good as it is and yes, getting the tattoo made me happy, I feel so bleck in a way..... can't sleep, have fibro, just been feeling these moodfluxes and think I need to up my effexor,,, I know some, well, a lot of it is going of the fentanyl patch..... It keeps coming and I just cry... it sucks..... and flaring up and pain don't help at all either.... what is wrong with me?!? I also hate being "single". I hate going to bed in an empty bed, I hate that I'm divorced, I hate that I have been left over and over and over and feel this way!!! Yay for blogging.... 8P 2moro I am gonna take an emotional day..... I really feel crummy.... I'd like to put down words of encouragement, but my words even fail me tonight.... alone... another night.... by myself to battle my nightmares alone...feeling alone.... I know that I know that I know that God is right here with me, but I also know depression and how it creeps up and grabs me!!!
(that is how i felt at like 2 am, maybe I shouldn't be online at that time, no wait, I should BE SLEEPING!!!) Sleep is sooo critical for fibro, and I am noticing how it plays on my emotions as well, the more tired, the more emotional....
I am now finishing this blog, is the next day... and I got another tat... a star... blue, for my cowboys... lol! Me and my oldest got matching stars today.... It was definitely a memory we will both NEVER forget... lol.... I once read/heard about the verse where God says our names are inscribed on His palm. Tattoos are not painless and they are indelible (meaning forever marked).
So today I slept a lot. Although I still feel stressed and down and such, and still gonna talk to my doctor when I go, I feel like the wheels are slowing their spin... It really goes to show, don't make decisions when your tired or sick, and more importantly; THE NEED FOR SLEEP... not just to restore our physical health, but for our emotional health as well. Guess that's why they say to not make a "rash decision", to sleep on it, get some rest and put it aside. And for us Christians, we don't have to JUST "set it aside", we can give it to Jesus. And pray for His peace, not ours, not the worlds, BUT HIS PEACE!!
Gonna go to bed early tonight, no caffeine cuz its already almost 6pm (no caffeine after 4pm) and gonna spend the evening with my girls and enjoying the time I have with them... It is cold and gray outside, blah, kinda like I feel, still too tired.... but I am feeling better and I will be ok! :) Really Really need to get back into a good sleep pattern! As tired as I feel right now, I don't think it will be a problem. The only problem would be me procrastinating or getting sucked into tv or internet or.... till next time ~B
So for as good as it is and yes, getting the tattoo made me happy, I feel so bleck in a way..... can't sleep, have fibro, just been feeling these moodfluxes and think I need to up my effexor,,, I know some, well, a lot of it is going of the fentanyl patch..... It keeps coming and I just cry... it sucks..... and flaring up and pain don't help at all either.... what is wrong with me?!? I also hate being "single". I hate going to bed in an empty bed, I hate that I'm divorced, I hate that I have been left over and over and over and feel this way!!! Yay for blogging.... 8P 2moro I am gonna take an emotional day..... I really feel crummy.... I'd like to put down words of encouragement, but my words even fail me tonight.... alone... another night.... by myself to battle my nightmares alone...feeling alone.... I know that I know that I know that God is right here with me, but I also know depression and how it creeps up and grabs me!!!
(that is how i felt at like 2 am, maybe I shouldn't be online at that time, no wait, I should BE SLEEPING!!!) Sleep is sooo critical for fibro, and I am noticing how it plays on my emotions as well, the more tired, the more emotional....
I am now finishing this blog, is the next day... and I got another tat... a star... blue, for my cowboys... lol! Me and my oldest got matching stars today.... It was definitely a memory we will both NEVER forget... lol.... I once read/heard about the verse where God says our names are inscribed on His palm. Tattoos are not painless and they are indelible (meaning forever marked).
So today I slept a lot. Although I still feel stressed and down and such, and still gonna talk to my doctor when I go, I feel like the wheels are slowing their spin... It really goes to show, don't make decisions when your tired or sick, and more importantly; THE NEED FOR SLEEP... not just to restore our physical health, but for our emotional health as well. Guess that's why they say to not make a "rash decision", to sleep on it, get some rest and put it aside. And for us Christians, we don't have to JUST "set it aside", we can give it to Jesus. And pray for His peace, not ours, not the worlds, BUT HIS PEACE!!
Gonna go to bed early tonight, no caffeine cuz its already almost 6pm (no caffeine after 4pm) and gonna spend the evening with my girls and enjoying the time I have with them... It is cold and gray outside, blah, kinda like I feel, still too tired.... but I am feeling better and I will be ok! :) Really Really need to get back into a good sleep pattern! As tired as I feel right now, I don't think it will be a problem. The only problem would be me procrastinating or getting sucked into tv or internet or.... till next time ~B
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
my tapestry
I posted this to facebook and wanted to share it here.... short and sweet.... (if you know me, well, that's hard to do... the short part... lol)
My life is like a quilted tapestry.With fibro there are lots of dark hues. I can't see the completed tapestry, but even with all the somber shades, it is still a beautiful tapestry! Unique, one of a kind. There has never been and there never will be another tapestry of it's kind! And the best thing about my tapestry, it is held in the hands of my Loving Creator God!! :
My life is like a quilted tapestry.With fibro there are lots of dark hues. I can't see the completed tapestry, but even with all the somber shades, it is still a beautiful tapestry! Unique, one of a kind. There has never been and there never will be another tapestry of it's kind! And the best thing about my tapestry, it is held in the hands of my Loving Creator God!! :
Having Fibro and Being a Christian
Fibro, Fibro, go away.... and don't come back another day..... Oh my!! It has been one of those day! I literally hurt from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. It hurt just to pick up a large soda... this is not normal and NOT fun either!! And now, I tried to go to bed, but the pain is shooting and oh, I want it to stop... I hate flare-ups.... I should take a hot shower or bath, but even that takes energy I do not have! I feel very depleted and feel like my fibro has sucked part of my life away... Just standing even took it's toll on my tonight....
I try not to let it, but there are days when it knocks me down and I am not getting up any time soon! I want to sleep, but the pain is throbbing and burning and shooting up my left side... I have had this pain before and have noticed it more and more.... as long as it doesn't lead to the debilitating headaches I used to get!!! If I start to feel like I need to, I will see the specialist to talk about the radio-frequency procedure to deaden my nerves in that area!
It's very hard to feel happy when I hurt this much! When I was "trying" to move around, all I could do was hold my arms up, but even the lightest touch hurt as well.... I just sat down in my room and cried... and prayed.... And YES God is with me, but I am still human and I hurt and I mourn and I cry! What does help me is knowing God sees my tears and is right there beside me, whether I "feel" Him there or not... that doesn't change Who He Is!!
I hate pain days... Not only do I hurt, I am also SOOOO tired! One nice thing with the girls in school, I can rest and sleep... I have noticed mondays are my WORST days.... I was tender the last few days, but today it's like all that tenderness went deep into my musles and skeletal system and is now pushing to get back out, yet stuck, so tight, I keep trying and trying to relax my neck/shoulder muscles, but it hurts to even move it much... especially my left side, it shoots from the neck area (where one of my worst trouble spots/areas are) and it shoots up and down, I can't hardly turn my neck, my mobility sucks, and right now, it just plain sucks!!
I am so blessed to have the support system I do have. Some people may think it's a given that I'll be ok, but I need to hear it. I feel more vulnerable and more emotional when my pain/fibro is flaring up. I appreciate and need all the support I have! Just a word to say, it'll be ok.... thank you to all my wonderful friends, including all the wonderful fellow fibro/chronic pain survivors, and family! You have no idea how much the support is means to me! Well, if it means this much to me, and it means that much to you, then we are mutually supporting one another....Besides sleep, support is a HUGE key in the healing process of fibromyalgia! But Fibro is also very isolating as it hurts to go out. It hurts just to hold yourself up. Being online in facegroup sites and such has been absolutely wonderful for me!! I has been a tremendous help and I am exceeding greatful!
As much as I have fibromyalgia, I am also a Christian. I became a Christian BEFORE I had fibro and like every other relationship in my life, my relationship with Jesus Christ also changed! In some ways it is stronger and in other ways, there are new cracks and misunderstandings... from my part, cuz God is God and God is good and God is love and God doesn't make mistakes... but then why are so many of us hurting or sick or in pain or get cancer or.... I don't know why there is so much bad or even why I have to go through fibro myself, why have all this pain?!? What is the reason Lord?? And I always go back to what I do know; and I know that GOD IS LOVE!! Above all things in my life, I know that I am a child of God-a born again Christian and Who God is and that HE IS LOVE!! His love can NEVER be overstated.... All I can ever do is briefly touch on it as His love is Forever, constant, and without limits or time! He is, He was, and Always will be!! Thank Lord for choosing and loving me! Even though I don't understand all the whys or have all my answers to all my questions, I know You hold me in the palm of Your Hand, my name is inscribed on it, Tattoo'd, marked forever like my name that is proudly in the Book of Life....Thank You Lord for not only saving me for all eternity, but for loving me and giving me purpose, to You be all the glory... In Jesus name, Amen
So tonight, I couldn't sleep, and I started to blog about my fibro and ended up praising God... that's how He works, but in order for God to work in your life, you have to give your life to Him. When we can't go another step, He can. When we have fallen and can't get up for the umpteenth millionth time, he will lift us up and hold us close. It may not be the life I would have chosen, but if this life is what draws me more toward God, then maybe the things I have been blogging and praying are "blessings in disguise". (That is also a song by Laura Blessing and wow, does it touch the heart). My life, my core, is Christ. My body, it's core, fibromyalgia. It is only with God that I make it through this fibro-fogged world of pain, only through Him that I have true and everlasting joy! I can only feel His joy though when I learn to give Him my sorrows....
I try not to let it, but there are days when it knocks me down and I am not getting up any time soon! I want to sleep, but the pain is throbbing and burning and shooting up my left side... I have had this pain before and have noticed it more and more.... as long as it doesn't lead to the debilitating headaches I used to get!!! If I start to feel like I need to, I will see the specialist to talk about the radio-frequency procedure to deaden my nerves in that area!
It's very hard to feel happy when I hurt this much! When I was "trying" to move around, all I could do was hold my arms up, but even the lightest touch hurt as well.... I just sat down in my room and cried... and prayed.... And YES God is with me, but I am still human and I hurt and I mourn and I cry! What does help me is knowing God sees my tears and is right there beside me, whether I "feel" Him there or not... that doesn't change Who He Is!!
I hate pain days... Not only do I hurt, I am also SOOOO tired! One nice thing with the girls in school, I can rest and sleep... I have noticed mondays are my WORST days.... I was tender the last few days, but today it's like all that tenderness went deep into my musles and skeletal system and is now pushing to get back out, yet stuck, so tight, I keep trying and trying to relax my neck/shoulder muscles, but it hurts to even move it much... especially my left side, it shoots from the neck area (where one of my worst trouble spots/areas are) and it shoots up and down, I can't hardly turn my neck, my mobility sucks, and right now, it just plain sucks!!
I am so blessed to have the support system I do have. Some people may think it's a given that I'll be ok, but I need to hear it. I feel more vulnerable and more emotional when my pain/fibro is flaring up. I appreciate and need all the support I have! Just a word to say, it'll be ok.... thank you to all my wonderful friends, including all the wonderful fellow fibro/chronic pain survivors, and family! You have no idea how much the support is means to me! Well, if it means this much to me, and it means that much to you, then we are mutually supporting one another....Besides sleep, support is a HUGE key in the healing process of fibromyalgia! But Fibro is also very isolating as it hurts to go out. It hurts just to hold yourself up. Being online in facegroup sites and such has been absolutely wonderful for me!! I has been a tremendous help and I am exceeding greatful!
As much as I have fibromyalgia, I am also a Christian. I became a Christian BEFORE I had fibro and like every other relationship in my life, my relationship with Jesus Christ also changed! In some ways it is stronger and in other ways, there are new cracks and misunderstandings... from my part, cuz God is God and God is good and God is love and God doesn't make mistakes... but then why are so many of us hurting or sick or in pain or get cancer or.... I don't know why there is so much bad or even why I have to go through fibro myself, why have all this pain?!? What is the reason Lord?? And I always go back to what I do know; and I know that GOD IS LOVE!! Above all things in my life, I know that I am a child of God-a born again Christian and Who God is and that HE IS LOVE!! His love can NEVER be overstated.... All I can ever do is briefly touch on it as His love is Forever, constant, and without limits or time! He is, He was, and Always will be!! Thank Lord for choosing and loving me! Even though I don't understand all the whys or have all my answers to all my questions, I know You hold me in the palm of Your Hand, my name is inscribed on it, Tattoo'd, marked forever like my name that is proudly in the Book of Life....Thank You Lord for not only saving me for all eternity, but for loving me and giving me purpose, to You be all the glory... In Jesus name, Amen
So tonight, I couldn't sleep, and I started to blog about my fibro and ended up praising God... that's how He works, but in order for God to work in your life, you have to give your life to Him. When we can't go another step, He can. When we have fallen and can't get up for the umpteenth millionth time, he will lift us up and hold us close. It may not be the life I would have chosen, but if this life is what draws me more toward God, then maybe the things I have been blogging and praying are "blessings in disguise". (That is also a song by Laura Blessing and wow, does it touch the heart). My life, my core, is Christ. My body, it's core, fibromyalgia. It is only with God that I make it through this fibro-fogged world of pain, only through Him that I have true and everlasting joy! I can only feel His joy though when I learn to give Him my sorrows....
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